Commentary for Tales from the Star

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 11:29 pm

Got any?

SeriousDelerious · Post by **SeriousDelerious** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 11:47 pm

Actually, yes

I can tell from your point of view that you either a) have an extreme interest in this area of law enforcement, b) WORK in this area of law enforcement, or c) a hefty dollop of both. Growing up with a father who was an army retiree and worked the local volunteer police dept, he had a heavy interest in this area, and it rubbed off on me. Long story short: you know what you're talking about.

Story-wise, you've got a hook as sharp as a razor. Anybody who has half an interest in shadowrun would and should be hooked. The story flows great...no bumps that I noticed, and all the characters are equally as fleshed out.

Honestly, other than a few typographical erros (and who doesnt make those?), this is a very good story, and I found myself reading it in it's entirety. Of course, im a book-nut, so that doesn't say much for me.

Good job. Keep up the story...you've left it so far a good hanging point.

Leaves me to wonder...do many people read this section, or what? I havent noticed much activity other than you or I in this area...

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 12:05 am

Thanks for the comments. Let me answer some of them:

1.)This area is read far more than it receives commentary. Unfortunately-so that means you'll likely receive far more views than comments.

2.)I am indeed an ex Marine who works ina Maximum security Prison these days, with a pipe dream of being a cop! I figured it'd show. I'm hoping it shows in a good way! Apparently it does to a point!

3.)I'm working on the next installment, I am really-I am just having trouble getting it going where I want it to.

4.)I am glad you like the plot so far-my overall idea was to present various facets of life at Lone Star, as the cops of the future. I want to cover a number of different characters from various departments in what I see as various every days ituations-the first being the easiest, FRT. Not every cop is crooked in my opinion, but not all are playing it straight. I figure it'd be neat to illustrate that.

5.) I reall y am not Serious Delirious. He is a totally different person-honest. I keep getting asked.

Thanks again!

sinsual · Post by **sinsual** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 12:08 am

There was a tandem writing project that kind of took over the section for awhile. Also some of our fellow writers tend to put their stories on their LJ's.

Paul you not done yet...NEED MORE STORY!

My excuse, most of what I write isn't SR based.

SeriousDelerious · Post by **SeriousDelerious** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 1:09 am

I probably should have thought over my handle before landing with this one. I just went with a rigger character that I had once (even delerious is misspelled, i know). Didnt even occur to me that the guy that brought me over here ALSO had serious in his handle.

My bad.

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 8:54 am

While the story is good, it suffers a bit from the typical cyberpunk and shadowrun fanboy problem of trying to name every single piece of cyberware and gun-accessory. It always turns me off when a story starts with "Buzzsaw sat on the rooftop calibrating his Alphadyne smartgun system built into Ranger Arms SM-III high velocity sniper rifle, outfitted with...blah blah."

sinsual · Post by **sinsual** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 10:02 am

But Deev, in Paul's defence...that is how people like Paul talk and view things. Atleast that has been my experience...So to me, its right in character.

Kai · Post by **Kai** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 4:59 pm

Its, good, it flows well. Can't comment on detail, I'm horrible about how much of it I like and how much of it is actually a good thing. Don't notice any glaring technical errors for the little bit I can remember about that sort of thing

And SD, there is activity, just not too much right now, usually I;m throwing up art and music and such at least, but a little busy and made myself promise to not start any new projects during Lent (though somehow that still isn't helping me finish the ones I have started

)

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 1:58 am

Thanks Deev-the hard part is finding a balance between what I like (What I call the Clancy-esque style) and what other people enjoy. Striking a balance between the detail and the story is a hard part for me.

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 3:41 am

Okay the first tale from the star is finished.

sinsual · Post by **sinsual** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 4:02 am

Not to be picky Paul, but that last bit seemed rushed, it was almost like you just wanted the story to be done with...It just didn't have the feel of the previous parts...Give it a week, then revisit the story, maybe take a stab at rewriting the last part?

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 4:23 am

Okay, Deal.

sinsual · Post by **sinsual** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 6:51 am

Cool :cyber