Falling isn't fun

[Crazy Elf]

The original thing I was doing was a comical story about a guy who jumps off a building. Yeah, it is a barrel of monkeys, but I had to write something different in order to show diversity or some such shit.

Hence, I wrote this, see what you think:

<i>EXT - FORTUNA CORPORATION BUILDING - NIGHT

We see the ground close up, the immaculate welcome tiles of the corporate institution. From there our view tilts upward slowly as we begin to look up, and our viewpoint starts to raise, slowly at first, then faster. Soon we can see the windows of the building flash by, and soon we are looking toward the top of the building. As we get closer to the top, we can see a figure dangerously close to the edge. Our perspective shoots up above him, but keeps focus on that figure the entire time. The figure, TURNER, kneels, then launches himself off the building. Our perspective keeps raising for a moment, then shoots down after him. Pause.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
They say that your life flashes before your eyes before you die.

<i>Continue the fall in slow mo.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
Sort of.


<i>FLASH CUT

Images of TURNER, MELVIN and TIMMY making their way up the building. Snippets of guards getting blown away, ventilation shafts and rope work.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
First you wonder how you got here. You think about everything in the last few hours, and you think that if things were different just then, you wouldn't be doing this.


<i>CUT BACK

TURNER's still falling, looking rather rag doll and expressionless.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
But you think again, and you remember that you would be.


<i>FLASH CUT

TURNER is standing next to the coffee machine lifelessly pressing the buttons. He presses and holds one of the buttons, and cuppa-chino froth boils over and out of the container as he breaks down and cries.[/i]


<i>CUT BACK

Still falling.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
You remember. You remember all the people who knew you, how they all said that they were your friends but they never were. You remember their fake fucking smiles and the perfect teeth that hid their shit filled words.

<i>As TURNER says this, flashes of his coworkers turning and smiling are imposed over the fall. The speed of the fall quickens.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
You hate them all, but they don't think anything about you. They don't even know your name. You hate them so much and they don't even know your fucking name.


<i>FLASH CUT

TURNER is standing on the street looking around, people walk by him, no one notices him or interacts with him at all.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
There's so much they just don't know.


<i>CUT BACK

Fall is going, TURNER is moving to face the fall head first.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
Then you know you're going to die. You think about what everyone's been telling you about death, and how no one says anything about it, and how there may not be an afterlife.

<i>As he says this, images of religion and the like float by his eyes.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
You hope there isn't.


<i>FLASH CUT

TURNER lies on his bed in his room in darkness, static burns on the TV.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
You'd just be alone again.


<i>CUT BACK

Fall quickens again.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
You remember how no one ever seemed to get you.


<i>FLASH CUT

TURNER attends school, everyone else is animated but him. He's sitting alone reserved at a desk. Some GIRL stops and looks at him. Turner looks toward her hoping to get some type of kinship.[/i]

GIRL
You're weird.

<i>Turner looks alienated again. Paper hits him in the head, he does move. The chaos goes on around him still, he's unmoved by it.[/i]


<i>CUT BACK

Fall faster.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
You remember back further.


<i>FLASH CUT

TURNER is in the back of a car as a very small child. He's looking at the buildings around him.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
You remember, in the car, going through the city. Everything looks so large, you were happy, so very happy. You had nothing to complain about. You would complain about having nothing to complain about later, you'd stop when you did have.

<i>Zoom perspective from the car to one of the building, merging into...[/i]


<i>CUT BACK

TURNER is falling in real time.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
You want to cry but you can't. Too much wind.

<i>Pause.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
Then, in those last few moments, you don't think much of anything. You're sort of calm, and you hope that you can feel every bone in your body crack, and every organ rupture. You hope that your last few moments will be intense, because you know that these last few moments will be the last thing you ever feel. You want it to hurt, you want to feel the spite of the world in those last moments. You want the pain you've always felt...

<i>Last moments of the fall in real time. TURNER screams with rage as the voice over continues.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
... to be real.

<i>Blackout.[/i]

TURNER (v.o)
But your body passes out just before hitting the ground, trying to save itself, still convinced there's something to live for. Your body impacts and splinters, and you don't feel a thing. And although that proves that you did the right thing, it doesn't really feel like you did. It feels wrong. And then it doesn't feel like anything.

<i>Zoom out from the blackness of Turner's pupil as his eye open in response to death, as his last breath escapes his body, our perspective rises up up and up, past the buildings, past the clouds, past the earth and past the stars until there is nothing but blackness, and all we hear as it does this, is the last breath escape then fade.[/i]

[Serious Paul]

Wow. This is real nice. It would make one hell of a music video, or a short film. I applaud you.

[Ancient History]

Did you write something like this a while ago and put it on the boards?

[Serious Paul]

In a similar vein, yes.

[Ancient History]

Felt a little familiar. Not in the "i think you copied someone else" familiar vein, but the "Didn't you write something liek his before and post it here?" vein.

Good formatting though. Easier to read.