Things I Have Learned Working in a Liquor Store

Salvation122 · Post by **Salvation122** » Sun Jul 05, 2009 4:45 pm

Bums speak their own language, which owes nothing to those of the rest of humanity. I occaisionally worry that they are actually speaking the secret words of God, and that I am answering divine inquiries with nothing more than a carefully neutral grunt; then I realize that this is probably the best way to answer a deity regardless, and feel better.
Pikes need to die terribly. Seriously. What compels them to ask complete strangers for advice on date rape is beyond me, but such people are both too stupid and too disgusting to live. (That's ΠΚΑ, not Jews or the Irish, just to be clear.)
If your boss tries to talk politics with you, and you know that he listens to conservative talk radio all day, just walk away rather than using scary Latin phrases like "post hoc, ergo propter hoc." He won't understand them and will get very upset with you for being smarter than he is, and you will get very frustrated at him for being far less intelligent than you are while making far more money than you probably ever will.
Some women evidently believe that it is appropriate to keep their cash in their bra when it is a hundred and six degrees (Fahrenheit) outside. Protip: If your cash is moist with boob sweat, it's really gross. Really, really gross. Seriously, no one wants to touch that. Just... put it away.
There is nothing more potentially obnoxious or sweet than a fat black woman.
Well, old rich white retirees are probably more obnoxious, but they're not as loud about it.
If you work in a liquor store, rich people will expect you to be able to pick a good wine pairing for a given meal, guide them directly to that bottle, and defend a dissertation on the pH of the soil of the region of the wine you picked and contrast it to wine from a different region. Explaining that you make minimum wage, and as such cannot afford a $75 dollar bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and that, as far as you can tell, the only difference between a French vinyard and an Australian one is the price will upset them.
Some people will drink anything. Anything; and lots of it.
It is not uncommon for nurses [here] to go through a six-pack of beer on their lunch break, and another six-pack when they get off. I am now absolutely terrified of going to the hospital.
People naturally assume that anywhere beer is sold, cigarettes are also sold.
There is money to be made in bootlegging, and it's easy work if you can get it.
If you card an attractive woman in her early thirties, recently divorced and mildly intoxicated, you have roughly a 30% chance of getting a phone number. (If you call the number, she will sound very embarrassed and pretend not to remember you, but, hey, at least you've got her number.)

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:36 am

This sounds like a good gig for you, Sal.

And yes, anywhere that sells or serves alcohol, cigarettes should be sold. It's in the bible.

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 4:55 pm

Eva wrote:And yes, anywhere that sells or serves alcohol, cigarettes should be sold. It's in the bible.

You know I don't think it is...

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:35 pm

I don't know what version you have, Elf, but I remember seeing it in there.

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:25 pm

I'm pretty sure Eva is correct in this case-but the Elf is a pretty religious guy, so who knows? Us heathens could be all wrong.

FlameBlade · Post by **FlameBlade** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:29 am

I can't help but noticing this...

If you card an attractive woman in her early thirties, recently divorced and mildly intoxicated, you have roughly a 30% chance of getting a phone number. (If you call the number, she will sound very embarrassed and pretend not to remember you, but, hey, at least you've got her number.)

So, Sal...I think we need to have a little talk.

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:37 am

Maybe some day I'll post what I've learned working at my job.

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Thu Jul 09, 2009 7:40 am

Hrm... what I've learned:
* you may think a trained monkey could do your job, but that's rarely the case.
* attitude is everything, but in the positive, can-do-mentality sense of the word (as opposed to the NWA sense)
* being good at your job doesn't make you a good manager or the other way around

Sam · Post by **Sam** » Thu Jul 09, 2009 3:25 pm

Building on Eva's points:
* thinking trained monkeys can do your job is one thing, dealing with the reality that someone thought fit to employ them often proves otherwise
* everything is possible, you just need to look at the problem in a different way
* engineers should never be allowed to run the world...or for that matter allowed outside their office cubes.
* when HSE managers describe something as 'not very nice', assume slasher movie amounts of horror and gore
* say it with confidence and people will believe you
* when facing conflict, take the conversation off email and pick up the phone if you want to resolve rather than escalate the problem
* always remember to thank people for good work - it means they will probably be happy to help you the next time you need them.

and the most important one:
* make friends with top management's secretaries.

Oh, and when working for Big Oil, always be prepared for everyone you know to hold you personally responsible for escalating fuel costs/ destruction of Planet Earth.

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Thu Jul 09, 2009 6:19 pm

Sam wrote:* when facing conflict, take the conversation off email and pick up the phone if you want to resolve rather than escalate the problem

Testify!

WillyGilligan · Post by **WillyGilligan** » Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:47 pm

Sam wrote:* when facing conflict, take the conversation off email and pick up the phone if you want to resolve rather than escalate the problem

One my supervisor likes to use is "Email sent is not communication achieved." It's best used to overcome distance and to have timestamps of when the conversations happened, but people really are crap with it.

Oh, and when working for Big Oil, always be prepared for everyone you know to hold you personally responsible for escalating fuel costs/ destruction of Planet Earth.

That was YOU?!

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Thu Jul 09, 2009 10:26 pm

Sam wrote:Oh, and when working for Big Oil, always be prepared for everyone you know to hold you personally responsible for escalating fuel costs/ destruction of Planet Earth.

That's shitty. I mean yeah if you're Mao's Pimp, I get it. But just because you work for Chevron doesn't mean should get to treat you like shat.

Sam · Post by **Sam** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:09 am

WillyGilligan wrote:One my supervisor likes to use is "Email sent is not communication achieved." It's best used to overcome distance and to have timestamps of when the conversations happened, but people really are crap with it.

Agreed, but there is a thin line between documenting process flow through timestamps and keeping things on email so you have proof to wave around later - a line that I suspect is a little blurred sometimes.

Oh, and when working for Big Oil, always be prepared for everyone you know to hold you personally responsible for escalating fuel costs/ destruction of Planet Earth.

WillyGilligan wrote:That was YOU?!

Sam · Post by **Sam** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:13 am

Serious Paul wrote:That's shitty. I mean yeah if you're Mao's Pimp, I get it.

Yeah, that was a tough job. Although I got to wear awesome hats, which went some way to compensate.

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:14 am

WillyGilligan wrote:
Sam wrote:* when facing conflict, take the conversation off email and pick up the phone if you want to resolve rather than escalate the problem
One my supervisor likes to use is "Email sent is not communication achieved." It's best used to overcome distance and to have timestamps of when the conversations happened, but people really are crap with it.

I've found that most people are very conflict avoiding, and would rather send a non-intrusive e-mail, than force someone to duke it out directly. Also, I think that it's more anonymous, even though you know each other. There's one thing to say about communicating by way of e-mail instead of directly, when in conflict, you're less likely to say something stupid and impulsive.

Serious Paul wrote:
Sam wrote:Oh, and when working for Big Oil, always be prepared for everyone you know to hold you personally responsible for escalating fuel costs/ destruction of Planet Earth.
That's shitty. I mean yeah if you're Mao's Pimp, I get it. But just because you work for Chevron doesn't mean should get to treat you like shat.

Well, I am certainly pretty vocal about Sam's position at Big Oil for the simple reason that for a lot of people, and I'll include Sam in this group, the company you work at is a choice you make and it reflects your ideology. From all accounts, it's a great employer to work for, so I don't blame anyone for wanting to work for them, but I think you should always remain realistic about what it is they do, and the effects their decisions have on the world. (One of the things Sam and I disagree on - and this goes back to before she worked at Big Oil - is the concept of sustainability.)

In the end, I feel that it's a choice, and as such you have to ask yourself the question if Big Oil is what you want to support. So yeah, you shouldn't be treated like shit, but I think you should be ready to be questioned. The same thing goes for people who decide to work in the armed services, or Big Pharma or Starbucks for that matter. I have questioned people that work in these industries (including myself), and I try not to come at them with animosity - I don't dislike these people, and certainly not Sam! - but I would like to discuss their work, my concerns, and their thoughts on the matter.

Sam · Post by **Sam** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:09 am

See, and this is where Dennis and I stop talking about it - or rather I stop answering his emails (see point re: escalation and the self awareness to know that you will kill him a little further on in the 'discussion') because let's face it, Denarnar, you don't want to ask me questions about it, you want to feel that you have won a battle.

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:01 am

Sam wrote:See, and this is where Dennis and I stop talking about it - or rather I stop answering his emails (see point re: escalation and the self awareness to know that you will kill him a little further on in the 'discussion') because let's face it, Denarnar, you don't want to ask me questions about it, you want to feel that you have won a battle.

I'm sorry you feel that way about it, or rather, that I gave you that impression. Perhaps this is one of those things that, to refer back to an earlier thing you said, isn't really one to be discussed over e-mail.

Sam · Post by **Sam** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:23 am

Ha! And this is why I can never really be mad at you for any length of time.

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:56 am

Score.

WillyGilligan · Post by **WillyGilligan** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:54 am

Sam wrote:
WillyGilligan wrote:One my supervisor likes to use is "Email sent is not communication achieved." It's best used to overcome distance and to have timestamps of when the conversations happened, but people really are crap with it.
Agreed, but there is a thin line between documenting process flow through timestamps and keeping things on email so you have proof to wave around later - a line that I suspect is a little blurred sometimes.

Actually, waving around proof is what I was talking about. I work in the military. People can go to jail or face other punishments based on whether or not they had authorization to be away from their work center. It also helps when you're Flight Chief is responsible for 100+ people if you have some written documentation of when you informed them or requested permission for something. I've had and been forgetful leadership, so it's all about covering your ass.

Sam · Post by **Sam** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 4:12 pm

And that sort of records management is what I was referring to as timestamping a process flow. And of course, should something go astray its impertive to see where in the chain it went wonky. But by proof I was referring to a preponsity to keep communication (in a conflict) on email in order to have something to hold against that person later on down the line - specifically where they have goaded into losing their cool.

There's a difference between wanting a record to show you disagree with <insert whatever> and specifically drawing out a disagreement/fight because it's more satisfying to be able to forward the whole thing to your boss/friend while managing to maintain the emotional distance that comes with casually flicking an email.

Edit : Let me know when you want me to show you how to suck eggs.

WillyGilligan · Post by **WillyGilligan** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:04 pm

Sam wrote:And that sort of records management is what I was referring to as timestamping a process flow. And of course, should something go astray its impertive to see where in the chain it went wonky. But by proof I was referring to a preponsity to keep communication (in a conflict) on email in order to have something to hold against that person later on down the line - specifically where they have goaded into losing their cool.

There's a difference between wanting a record to show you disagree with <insert whatever> and specifically drawing out a disagreement/fight because it's more satisfying to be able to forward the whole thing to your boss/friend while managing to maintain the emotional distance that comes with casually flicking an email.

Yeah, that is different. I have, once or twice, CC'd someone's supervisor on an email as a subtle way to shake them out of the idea that this communication is private. Of course, now someone's done that to one of my subordinates. Hmm...still need to follow up on that...

Edit : Let me know when you want me to show you how to suck eggs.

Stop reading my browser history! *runs screaming into the night*

Salvation122 · Post by **Salvation122** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 4:11 am

Liquor stores, on occasion, get robbed. It is surprising how very quickly one can rob a place.

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:34 am

Salvation122 wrote:
Liquor stores, on occasion, get robbed. It is surprising how very quickly one can rob a place.

I learnt that, too! But not from working in a liquor store.

At least not exclusively.

So were they ninjas?

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:37 am

DV8 wrote:
Serious Paul wrote:
Sam wrote:Oh, and when working for Big Oil, always be prepared for everyone you know to hold you personally responsible for escalating fuel costs/ destruction of Planet Earth.
That's shitty. I mean yeah if you're Mao's Pimp, I get it. But just because you work for Chevron doesn't mean should get to treat you like shat.
Well, I am certainly pretty vocal about Sam's position at Big Oil for the simple reason that for a lot of people, and I'll include Sam in this group, the company you work at is a choice you make and it reflects your ideology. From all accounts, it's a great employer to work for, so I don't blame anyone for wanting to work for them, but I think you should always remain realistic about what it is they do, and the effects their decisions have on the world. (One of the things Sam and I disagree on - and this goes back to before she worked at Big Oil - is the concept of sustainability.)

I'm with Deev on this. I like Sam, but I do question her involvement with Big Oil. There are other ways to make money, particularly when she's so good at Guitar Hero.

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 8:28 am

...a real guitar hero. *awe*

Sam · Post by **Sam** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 4:27 pm

I have a cover album coming out soon. Thanks to my xbox controller I actually played all the instruments you will hear in each track. All it required, like so many of my life's pleasures, was 4 AAA batteries.

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 4:38 pm

Sam wrote:I have a cover album coming out soon. Thanks to my xbox controller I actually played all the instruments you will hear in each track. All it required, like so many of my life's pleasures, was 4 AAA batteries.

*straight up /pisses/ self in south of France*
*covers tracks ashamedly*
*notices no one really seems to care...*
*shrugs and types on in puddle of wee*

Sam · Post by **Sam** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 4:41 pm

I refer you to the Car thread.

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Sun Jul 12, 2009 6:43 am

*almost wakes up his kid brother laughing*

Sam · Post by **Sam** » Sun Jul 12, 2009 7:14 am

*throws goat*

Jeff Hauze · Post by **Jeff Hauze** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:17 pm

DV8 wrote:Well, I am certainly pretty vocal about Sam's position at Big Oil for the simple reason that for a lot of people, and I'll include Sam in this group, the company you work at is a choice you make and it reflects your ideology.

Really? I mean, I don't know you well, but you're really going to go that route? Your job = you as a person? Because well...that's pretty elitist even for you, Deev.

Kitt · Post by **Kitt** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:30 am

Salvation122 wrote:If you card an attractive woman in her early thirties, recently divorced and mildly intoxicated, you have roughly a 30% chance of getting a phone number. (If you call the number, she will sound very embarrassed and pretend not to remember you, but, hey, at least you've got her number.)

If you do not card a woman (attractive or not) in her early 20s because "Oh, I've seen you in here a few times before. How are you, [name]?", you risk the stink-eye and a whole lot of muttered curses.

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 10:20 am

I'm not in my early twenties, but I will concur. My last trip to the US was the first time I hardly got carded and it was upsetting, especially with the massive fuck-off sign next to the cashier saying 'WE CARD EVERYONE UNDER 40' Thanks, guys.

Liniah · Post by **Liniah** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 11:14 pm

I prefer to not get carded. That's just one more annoyance between me and my booze!

Really, though, I couldn't give two shits if I don't get carded. Carding is just a hassle.

Anyway, sometimes getting carded works the other way too. I was out with some of my younger friends recently. We were at a restaurant that served beer. (We weren't out 'drinking'- most of us were just getting food.) This one guy orders a beer and gets carded. Fine. A bit later I order a beer and get carded. The waitress looks at my ID and makes a shocked/'I'm sorry I asked for your ID' face while all my young friends proceed to crack up at the fact that I just got carded.

3278 · Post by **3278** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:26 am

I get carded sometimes when buying cigarettes, and they always apologize. They also always look surprised, so it ends up being pretty flattering.

Kitt · Post by **Kitt** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 3:03 am

It's not about the age thing so much as the recognition. I don't drink in excess, but I do like me a bottle of wine or some spirits now and again. And since I have to buy all of my wine (including cooking wine) at the liquor store, they know me by name. When with my mother, this is particularly unpleasant.
"Why do they know your name? Is there something I should know?"
"No, Mom. [muttered curses]"

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 8:46 am

I get carded all the damn time. It doesn't help that me DL pic was taken when I was 21. At a local concert festival (think Lollapalooza) I had the person handing out the "able to drink tags" quiz me on my entire DL, including the number and expiration date.

UncleJoseph · Post by **UncleJoseph** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:52 am

Cash wrote:I get carded all the damn time. It doesn't help that me DL pic was taken when I was 21. At a local convert festival (think Lallapalooza) I had the person handing out the "able to drink tags" quiz me on my entire DL, including the number and expiration date.

It's my job to verify ages and identity all the time, whether for purchasing alcohol, people lying about who they are or whatever. Most people do not know the expiration date or full number of their drivers license. I think it's funny the lengths that some places will go to "prove" you can't drink.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:19 pm

I was wondering what she was going to do if I couldn't remember my full number or expiration date.... I would have happily gotten supervisors/on site PD (in my experience, much better at spotting the fakes) involved.

Things I Have Learned Working in a Liquor Store

Things I Have Learned Working in a Liquor Store

Re: Things I Have Learned Working in a Liquor Store