What makes a person interesting?

[Instant Cash]

Or at least to the point that makes you want to know them?

Something I have stewing over the last couple days, not so much my view (because I find most people interesting enough that I want to know them) but what things do other people look for that makes them go "you know, this person is intriguing, I want to know more"


I am sure people have different measures for romantic interests, but I am thinking more just someone you would like to interact with.

[Moto42]

Intelligent conversation tops my list of reasons I would hang out with someone, followed by "isn't whining about how much life dumps on him constantly".

[MissTeja]

The two things I know that draw me to a person quicker than the average Joe are:

1. Talented at something I find interesting
2. Funny/Laughing a lot - just seems happy and/or interested in making others laugh and be happy (note: not to an annoying sense either, though - people can take this too far. If they're cheesy or conceited in their humor - that actually turns me away.)

[Iantha]

Yeah, I have to agree with Moto. Intelligence is good, but they don't have to some snobby MENSA member or anything. And a GENERALLY positive outlook on life is helpful as well. And, even if they aren't positive, at least please let them not whine every waking moment about how much life sucks.

Those are the bare minimums. Other helpful traits are a quirky sense of humor and ambivalence to what society thinks of them.

[lordhellion]

Intelligence is good, but they don't have to some snobby MENSA member or anything.

The fuck's that supposed to mean?

What attracts me to people most is a general appreciation and love for life. People who spend all thier time worrying over thier bank account or pumping thier body full of whatever the chemical of the hour is have little use to me. If they genuinely enjoy life--every second of it--then they're all right by me.

[Iantha]

The fuck's that supposed to mean?

WHAT?!

Why's it always gotta be about you?

And anyway, you're not snobby. Snobs typically don't let themselves be associated with GHEY Winged Vaginas.

[FlameBlade]

If that person has a winged vagina or not.

[Serious Paul]

The fuck's that supposed to mean?

While I am certain you'll protest and talk about what a clever joke this really was meant to be, I think it's what makes a choad. It makes me more and more certain that were I to meet you I'd be unimpressed at best, and more likely repulsed.

Pretentious is a word I'd use to describe you, amongst others.

[Liniah]

You know what? I find this to be a really difficult question. I don't always look for the same thing. In fact, it can differ a lot.

[Jeff Hauze]

As evidenced by the fact that she hung out with me. Don't ask me, I never understood it either.

[lordhellion]

The fuck's that supposed to mean?

While I am certain you'll protest and talk about what a clever joke this really was meant to be, I think it's what makes a choad. It makes me more and more certain that were I to meet you I'd be unimpressed at best, and more likely repulsed.

Pretentious is a word I'd use to describe you, amongst others.

You had me at "choad".

[Serious Paul]

Like I said, I knew you'd make a joke. It's your defensive mechanism. Just be yourself, people will either like you or they won't.

[lordhellion]

Paul, have you ever thought that this is what I am like? Believe me, you're far from the first person to drive themselves crazy trying to read between the lines with me, despite me telling them to take me at face value. I gave up on pretending to be someone I wanted to be years ago, and decided to just be that person.

And guess what? I freaking love myself--call me an egomaniac if you must, but everyone should be so lucky. Despite all the hardships I've faced and all the dumb luck others have been handed, there is not a single person on the planet I'd rather be than me.

I spent a lot of years unhappy wth myself--a LOT. I didn't smile for over four years. Really. And eventually I got tired of not liking myself, so I sat down, decided who I wanted to be, and started building my way up to it. Am I there yet? No, and I probably never will be 100% there, but I've come a long way. In the past remnants of my life, I wanted nothing more than for 99% of the people and things in my life to go away--today, I'm tickled shitless just to wake up in the morning.

So if making a joke is considered a "defense mechanism" when someone half a continent away tries to bust your chops because you don't live your life to his standards, so be it. If being happy with who you are makes you a narcissistic egomaniac, so be it. I'd rather look forward to the sun rising tomorrow than worry myself to death about the opinions of a scant few.

[Serious Paul]

Have you ever thought that this is what I am like?

A child who requires constant attention? Why, yes now that you mention it I have thought that.

Believe me, you're far from the first person to drive themselves crazy trying to read between the lines with me, despite me telling them to take me at face value.

I think that's wishful thinking on your part. Both the crazy part (Trust me when I say I lose no sleep or time worrying about you.),and the part about face value.

If you were indeed a person who was what he was, take him at face value, you wouldn't feel the compelling need to point out a variety of things including, but certainly not limited to: your supposed IQ, your supposed body type, your supposed acting skills, etc...

A person who is confident in what he or she is simply does. They don't need to point ou they are smart, people know it.

I gave up on pretending to be someone I wanted to be years ago, and decided to just be that person.

At face value, you seem to have failed. Goodluck though, eventually you'll get it.

I spent a lot of years unhappy wth myself--a LOT.

It shows.

So if making a joke is considered a "defense mechanism" when someone half a continent away tries to bust your chops because you don't live your life to his standards, so be it

Except I don't expect you to meet my standards. In fact I have no standards. Why I dislike you is that pretend to meet some sort of standard that you seem to have placed importance on, and that no one else cares about.

I'd be willing to bet, that like everyone I've ever met like you, if you were just you I'd like you. But because you have this over riding need to over compensate I can't stand you.

[Ampere]

I think it was mentioned before, my criteria for "liking someone" isn't necissarily static. I guess some parts are. I'm not fond of folks who are simply morose. Some folks are simply...NEGATIVE. All the time, got nothing nice to say, and it's allways some kind of negative shit flowing from their mouth. I don't have any patience for that. Extremists of any flavor are a huge turn-off.

I tend towards moderation and am a laid back guy. I don't have much interest in folks that are purposely a dick with no other side to their personality.

It's not like I'm not a total cockbag to people on occasion. Dude, I can certainly ride someone's ass, and mock and make fun of folks. Sometimes that's how friends work, they take jibes, and I can deal with that. That doesn't bother me.

There ARE however some folks who are ONLY negative assholes who do nothing but crawl up someone's colon. Dude, if there is nothing else to their personality, they will be avoided. Seriously. Fuck that.

We were just talking in another thread about this sort of thing.

I like folks who are willing to discuss other perspectives. Discuss being the big word here. Folks who will talk and not listen really don't inspire me to listen either.

Brutal Honesty is totally acceptable. If I ask a question, I expect an honest answer. If you're my friend you'll be honest. That doesn't mean jump up and down and stomp a mud-hole in my ass (well...unless I've been a total cockbag and deserve it). Just tell me the truth, don't try and crucify me. I don't think my friends should crucify me.

In return I offer the same. I'll play the opposition (I do that a lot) but the purpose of playing the opposition is to be helpful in thinking out other perspectives. I'm not going to try and simply crush you. I'm a friend and trying to help. In doing so I TOO learn something.

I'll rib and jibe you. Keeps you in shape. I'm not going to try and actually crush you under heel.

If you ask me a question, be prepared for the truthful answer. You may not like it. If you are a friend, I'll clue you in to what I think and not try and gut you in the process. "Dude, you're being a dick" is a common one.

These are pretty much what I look for in people, and it varies a bit per person. The more willing to listen and adapt a person is, the more interesting they are. Zealots are so flat and two dimensional...not-interesting.

[lordhellion]

All that stuff...

This is why I made a flippant joke, earlier. Because any attempt at a real conversation with you breaks down to a line-by-line argument based on suppositions. But if you want to dance, let's dance.

Let me start off by saying I have absolutely nothing against you Paul--not a freaking thing. Because the reality is that at the end of the day, you're "some guy I know from the internet". I don't know your family, I don't know your job, I don't know what you do on Sunday afternoons. All I know is that you live in Michigan, are married, have kids, and like role-playing games--not exactly enough to build a character analysis from.

But since suppositions seem to be the flavor of the week, let's look at those. I'm going to go with "pretentious", because it felt like you wanted to put a lot of emphasis on that word. You call me 'pretentious' because you feel that I openly self-agrandize, but isn't it just as pretentious to discreetly self-agrandize?

Because that's what you're doing--you've stroked up your ego to tell yourself that your smart enough and adept enough at psychology to be able to define every characteristic of a person simply by a few scants of information you're found on the internet. And anything that someone says that runs in counterance to that profile you've built is a blatant lie or defense mechanism. I openly admit to being egomaniacal, and even I don't run with that pretense.

I'd really like to know what your real problem with me is, Paul, because it sure as hell isn't what you say it is. Honestly, how does a person's self-referential activity in Washington have any bearing what-so-ever on the day-to-day life of a person in Michigan? And if it doesn't, why do you care? (And don't say you don't--we've had this arguement way too many times for anyone to believe that bullshit.)

Do I remind you of someone that wronged you in the past? Do I remind you of a part of yourself that you've moved past and don't want to see others repeat? Do you just think that you're the "personality police"? What?

Whatever it is, I'd really like to know, because this break-up/make-up shit you seem to pull with me every three months isn't healthy for either of us.

[Ampere]

I'm starting a pool.
Taking all bets.
Any takers?

[Serious Paul]

I'd really like to know what your real problem with me is, Paul, because it sure as hell isn't what you say it is.

I'm sorry to say you're wrong. It really is that simple.

Honestly, how does a person's self-referential activity in Washington have any bearing what-so-ever on the day-to-day life of a person in Michigan?

It doesn't.

And if it doesn't, why do you care? (And don't say you don't--we've had this argument way too many times for anyone to believe that bullshit.)

I don't. I guess I don't see it as an argument. I also don't see it as taking up much of my time, or being a burden. So for me this isn't a major issue, or a major drain on my time.

About the only thing I can say is that you somewhat remind of me someone I know who acts similarly-tries to hard to impress people, when all along he's not so bad. If he just calms down and is himself, people love him. But when he puts up the front people just laugh at him.

To me you're the same way. You put up this front, and it makes you more uninteresting by the moment. But when you're just you, I kind of like you. As you may have noticed I'm unafraid to discuss this sort of thing, and I don't get offended when people discuss these sorts of issues.

Conflict to me is a good thing. It doesn't always have to be bad, like so many people here view it.

[FlameBlade]

I'm starting a pool.
Taking all bets.
Any takers?

What are the odds?

[Ampere]

Right now 2 to 1 in Paul's favor.

[lordhellion]

Conflict to me is a good thing. It doesn't always have to be bad, like so many people here view it.

Which is why I actually bother getting into these discussions with you--I have no problem hashing it out either, and respect that you're going to take the time to speak your mind. It's just that your reactions to me seem to run hot-and-cold when, from my perspective, I haven't done anything different between the two. I don't understand what the difference is between "running my mouth and cheesing Paul off" and "running my mouth and making Paul smile".

I'm starting a pool.
Taking all bets.
Any takers?

You're not going to get very good odds--Paul and I do this every couple months. Pretty soon we're going to start calling it performance art.

[Ampere]

That is true.
It's not like it's a NEW thing.
It's kind of the Movie of the Week.
Sit back, grab some popcorn and watch the fireworks.

[Serious Paul]

You're not going to get very good odds--Paul and I do this every couple months. Pretty soon we're going to start calling it performance art.

And now that we've lured them in, it's time to spring our trap! Man sex for everyone!

Seriously though I think you might be right. I did walk into this thread with a chip on my shoulder this morning. After further consideration I have to admit I am my usual asshole self.

Now back to our regularly scheduled man sex.

[Angel]

Or at least to the point that makes you want to know them?

Something I have stewing over the last couple days, not so much my view (because I find most people interesting enough that I want to know them) but what things do other people look for that makes them go "you know, this person is intriguing, I want to know more"

I am sure people have different measures for romantic interests, but I am thinking more just someone you would like to interact with.

Not in any order:

1.Openness, the way a person can honestly discuss things of a personal nature, whether it's opinions or interests.

2. Someone with a strong opinion but at the same time willing to listen to what might be an opposing view without automatically discounting it.

3. Someone funny, but not the kind of person who tries to be funny. Maybe witty is a better word.

4. Someone sexual. It's not the people who won't talk about their sexuality that bothers me, everyone has a degree of privacy they wish to keep, but it's the people who refuse to admit that human beings are sexual, or who refuse to acknowlede that they might have desires or interests.

Aspects of people tell make me NOT want to know them:

1. People who start off the conversation by identifying themselves as a servant for someone else, "Hi, I'm a mother of three lovely kids." I don't want to get to know your children so don't discuss them with me.

2. Religous converters.

3. Anyone who thinks that the way I live my life is somehow going to effect them.

[lordhellion]

Now back to our regularly scheduled man sex.

Why whatever do you mean?

[Adam]

Jesus guys, that was a lot of jacking of without a pop shot.