So, tonight was the Players Theatrical Group Awards. Think Tony's for a high school. It was a great night, with awesome awards (I won achievement in producing, by default) and kickass musical numbers (I was in Amayzing Mayzie from <i>Seussical</i>, and they did the song Woman, and we did Lot Of Livin' from <i>Birdie</i>. It was a good night overall. Then I went out with a large group to Applebees, where the food was funky and the service was shitty. But it was fun none the less.
Anyway, the PTG Awards were fun...until I watched the video of Mayzie...
I almost puked. It sounded bad, it looked bad, and I looked positively nauseating. I'm now very much so regretting calling tonight my "fat night." Because now I'll never let myself have one again. You know...I felt great until just now. All of a sudden, I feel kind of queasy, my head hurts, and I'm real tired. At least I feel as bad as I looked.
For those of you wondering, I was wearing a body stocking, a black leotard, a big feather boa tail, and large shoes. Yes, I wore what I was afraid to wear during the official show, but I felt good about myself. I was still terrified, and very uncomfortable, but everyone said it looked fine, and I trusted them.
I'm not saying this for sympathy or to get attention or people saying "You look great, what are you talking about?" I'm saying this because I don't know what to think. People are telling me I look great, but I saw it, and I looked really bad. I'm just really mixed up now, and I don't know what to do about it. And the fact that we got shit applause, and the song that was a screaming match got a standing ovation really hurt, especially since we put in way more time and effort than they did. And I just feel kind of really worthless and disgusting.
Has anyone else had an experience like this? Does anyone know how to deal with a problem like this? Any help would be appreciated.
Last School Thang
-
Kitt
- Baron of the Imperium
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Last School Thang
Real life quotes, courtesy of the PetsHotel:
"Drop it, you pervert!"
"Ma'am? Ma'am! You are very round."
"It's a hump-a-palooza today."
"Everybody get away from the poop bucket!"
"Drop it, you pervert!"
"Ma'am? Ma'am! You are very round."
"It's a hump-a-palooza today."
"Everybody get away from the poop bucket!"
There are two options, as I see it:
1. You are, like every teenage girl, overly critical of your appearance, and in actuality, you looked fine.
2. You were fat, and looked like shit, and everyone told you otherwise to spare your feelings.
Probably, it's some combination of the two. For consolation, you get to know that this never stops, and that you'll always be more critical of yourself than other people are, and that some people will spare your feelings even when you fail. It will stop the day you die, or the day you stop caring; one is much like the other.
If it helps, I'll always be honest with you if you ask. It's a service I like to offer people, since so few other people in their lives are willing to be absolutely truthful. Personally, I'd prefer to be absolutely truthful all the time, but I'm not good enough in a fight to defend myself that often.
1. You are, like every teenage girl, overly critical of your appearance, and in actuality, you looked fine.
2. You were fat, and looked like shit, and everyone told you otherwise to spare your feelings.
Probably, it's some combination of the two. For consolation, you get to know that this never stops, and that you'll always be more critical of yourself than other people are, and that some people will spare your feelings even when you fail. It will stop the day you die, or the day you stop caring; one is much like the other.
If it helps, I'll always be honest with you if you ask. It's a service I like to offer people, since so few other people in their lives are willing to be absolutely truthful. Personally, I'd prefer to be absolutely truthful all the time, but I'm not good enough in a fight to defend myself that often.
Could be what I think of as 'backlash'. Basically, if you are coming down off an emotional high, especially if you are also tired (and I don't if any alcohol was involved, but if there was it can exacerbate it), your judgement isn't at its most reliable - so hold off on the decisons as to what sucked.
Guaranteed you look worse in the video that you did in real life.
Guaranteed you look worse in the video that you did in real life.
Terror, like charity, begins at home.