I can't deal with this shit anymore

Alareth · Post by **Alareth** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 4:19 pm

It's just too much.

I've been out of work since the beginning of March. I may be living on the street within a few hours. I have a negative bank balance. There's no one for me to turn to. I have no family here.

And to add insult to injury, the woman I love just spent the night with one of my roommates here in the same freaking house.

How am I supposed to feel right now? Is there a good reason for me to not have a nervous breakdown?

I'm sorry for venting this here, I'm just losing it and had to say it somewhere.

I'm at the point where I'm ready to curl up in a ball and I don't know if I'd start screaming or crying.

Thorn · Post by **Thorn** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 4:36 pm

Dude. That sucks.

Unfortunately, about all I've got for you is platitudes. It'll get better, you'll survive, yada yada. Shit I'm sure you already know.

If it's any comfort, though... I've been in a similar locale.

And come to think of it, I did have a bit of a breakdown. I mean, I made sure I had it with someone I could trust to help me through it nearby, but... but I had it. And the weird thing, come to think of it, is that it kinda helped.

Stoicism really is emotional constipation. And so if you do what you need to do to er... clear the blockage... things usually are much better afterward.

Sorry. Not very helpful, I know. Seriously though, if you're really feeling freaksome, sometimes the best thing to do is to roll with it. I mean, you know, all things in moderation, so don't roll too far. But you've got a legitimately sucky situation there. You're allowed a little rant time.

MooCow · Post by **MooCow** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 4:50 pm

Stoicism really is emotional constipation. And so if you do what you need to do to er... clear the blockage... things usually are much better afterward.

I recommend shooting your room mate and the cheating whore.

hobbes · Post by **hobbes** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 4:50 pm

Wow.

I hate to echo Thorn... but she's right. Rant all you want. Throw crap around.

And I'd nail that room mate's dick to the floor... with a rusty nail and a sledge hammer, and miss the nail. a lot.

Just Pete · Post by **Just Pete** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 4:53 pm

I recommend shooting your room mate and the cheating whore.

At least that'll get you a place to stay...

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 5:17 pm

...and food to eat.

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 5:19 pm

Alareth, though you don't know me, and I don't know you, and even though you probably don't want to hear this right now; all of this is temporary and you can take a lot more than you think you can. Hang in there.

Angel · Post by **Angel** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 6:01 pm

DV8's right, it may feel completely overwhelming, but hang in there, things might change for the better, you just need to take care of yourself until then.

My bit of adivice would be to totally isolate yourself from anyone and everyone that is contributing to you unpleasantness right now, have no NONE contact with the people that are making things bad for you, including your ex-girlfriend, and that asshole of a roommate. Ignore anyone that'll add to your stress.

Contact some charities in your area, they're there for people who need assistance, they're good people and will try to do anything they can for you. One good idea would be to go and speak with the local Salvation Army, seriously.

And... come here, and post a shitload of rants and stuff, it helps, everyone needs places where they can bitch and rant about the crap going on. Maybe somebody here might just be able to help you, but first they have to hear you.

Instant Cash · Post by **Instant Cash** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 6:41 pm

Hang in there Al, You will pull out of it. That which does not kill you only makes you stronger. That is so true.

I hae been homeless, twice, and I am still here, still being a smartass.

It can be done, just focus on what is important at this very moment, You.

Sock_Monkey · Post by **Sock_Monkey** » Sat Sep 04, 2004 11:55 pm

If you're really hard up there's two things that a person can do to eat and earn some cash.

Enlist. The army will take anyone, it might be tough but they'll feed you, give you a bed and you might come out of it with a whole new look on things. At the very least you might get a good job.

There's always work, the #1 place I can reccomend is oilfield or forestry work. as long as you have a strong back and a weak mind they'll take you, In fact they'll give you a strong back. The pay is good and if you're willing to travel to Alberta most outfits will pay to put you up in camp - this means they feed you and give you a bed. Some places will even Kit you out, or give you money to do so (to buy gloves, hard hat, boots etc.) Look up a drilling company. The work is worse than the Army or prison can dish out, but the pay is excellent. (In Alberta you can earn upwards of $200 a day) Its like doing hard time and be careful but you can do six months and come away with a wad of cash. (the big thing is there is no place or time to spend it while working.)

Lastly I hear McD's is hiring. It might be hell but its work - I'm serious. Plus with most fast food places or any food joints you can score free meals. At the very least it will keep you off rock bottom until you find something.

Hope that helps.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 12:14 am

Enlist. The army will take anyone, it might be tough but they'll feed you, give you a bed and you might come out of it with a whole new look on things. At the very least you might get a good job.

Alareth used to be Navy.

MooCow · Post by **MooCow** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 12:29 am

Enlist. The army will take anyone

Well that's of course just blatantly false.

Sock_Monkey · Post by **Sock_Monkey** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 12:40 am

Well maybe if you're a paraplegic or something, but on the whole its true - at least here in Canada it is - the military is so desperate for personell the min fitness requirements are often overlooked. As long as you're willing to do anything they take you and find a place for you.

MissTeja · Post by **MissTeja** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 12:49 am

Ahh, Canada. The US has stricter regulations, I do believe. They will not take just anyone.

Kitt · Post by **Kitt** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 12:55 am

Sock_Monkey wrote:Well maybe if you're a paraplegic or something, but on the whole its true - at least here in Canada it is - the military is so desperate for personell the min fitness requirements are often overlooked. As long as you're willing to do anything they take you and find a place for you.

America doesn't work like that. If you don't pass the minimum fitness, you don't get in. I, for one, would never make it to basic. With all my recurring injuries (both ankles, right knee, both hips, back, neck, wrists) along with my asthma, coupled with clear heredetary heart, liver, and cancer issues, will keep me from *ever* being allowed to join up.

But back to the topic. Alareth, what they're all saying is true. Even if you can't find a "real" job, sitting at a desk, doing manual labor, or doing whatever, fast food places are always looking for people with flexible hours. They're also usually looking for someone who can take leadership roles, like a manager position or something. It'll be fine. You will get through this. And we'll be here to help you through it.

WillyGilligan · Post by **WillyGilligan** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 1:02 am

If you don't pass the minimum fitness, you don't get in.

Depends on the service and depends on the standard. I knew lots of folks in Basic who were underweight or too short who got waivers to get in. As it stands now, though, I don't see that happening again for a while.

Cain · Post by **Cain** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 1:53 am

I do. With rent-a-cops handling gate duty, anyone willing to enlist as an MP is going to get rushed through. They may not take you if you've got a whole lot of issues; but one or two could get overlooked. Heck, there's even talk of a draft in the near future.

FlakJacket · Post by **FlakJacket** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 2:40 am

Yeah, but there's 'talk' and then there's actual reality.

Kitt · Post by **Kitt** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 3:40 am

Being underweight or short are not only minor issues, but they also come in handy. Remember SWAT? They couldn't fit a man through the service entrance, but the slim, on-the-short-side Sanchez fit perfectly. Its actual health issues you get overlooked for. Things like recurring injuries that hinder the ability to do one's duty, possible heart conditions, anything that could get you killed (stupidity excluded, to a degree) will get you out of military service.

One major benefit is that if you join certain branches of the military, (Army, Navy, National Guard, I can remember offhand) they will pay for your college education. Even if it's your second time. The catch is that you have to maintain a certain average and stick with whatever it is you go for. Still, that's pretty nifty if you ask me.

Sock_Monkey · Post by **Sock_Monkey** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 5:18 pm

You can usually overcome any fitness, weight or size requirements to if you can show you have a skill that the military wants, for example I know the Canadian one will take anyone who has medical or trade skills. After all even the US military still needs cooks garbage men, paper pushers and people who are willing to sweep floors etc.

Ghotty · Post by **Ghotty** » Tue Sep 07, 2004 2:29 am

Huh. floor sweepers are necessarry tradesman? No wonder the Army sucks.

Instant Cash · Post by **Instant Cash** » Tue Sep 07, 2004 9:15 pm

Like SM said, there are plenty of alternatives if you are willing to bust your ass. I did some construction work for a temp agency. Show up between 5-5:30, get an assignment, go work, return that day and get paid. It sucks yes, but it can get you buy and usually pays better than fast food.

lorg · Post by **lorg** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 9:25 am

Manual labour is a pain, I used to unload timber and animal food from ships. You just showed up at 5.30 am and they provided you with the hard hat, gloves and other required equipment.

As IC says it is hard work but it beats flipping burgers any fucking day. I recon it is different from place to place but the pay is good and if you did the job faster you still got payed for the full time and got to go home early.

MooCow · Post by **MooCow** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 9:38 am

Move to Chicago. Laborers start at like $18/hour, and get a $4 raise every 6 months of work time up to their base rate of $30/hour. Time and a Half over 8 hours a day, plus Double Time on sundays/holidays. And that's the lowest paid of the trade unions. The other all fall between $30-$40 an hour.

Backbreaking work, but you've got one of the best health insurance programs on the market.

Johnny the Bull · Post by **Johnny the Bull** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 12:24 pm

MooCow wrote:Move to Chicago. Laborers start at like $18/hour, and get a $4 raise every 6 months of work time up to their base rate of $30/hour. Time and a Half over 8 hours a day, plus Double Time on sundays/holidays. And that's the lowest paid of the trade unions. The other all fall between $30-$40 an hour.

Backbreaking work, but you've got one of the best health insurance programs on the market.

Thats not bad money for manual labour. More than I get as an article clerk.

crone · Post by **crone** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 10:06 pm

That's more than I've made doing anything.

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 2:23 am

I say stop pussy footing around and beat the shit out of the bitch. I mean, she fucked some guy in the same house as you while you were going out, and if a guy did that to a female, she could hit him as much as she wanted and no one would say boo. Sucker punch her right in the jaw.

Angel · Post by **Angel** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 7:42 am

Crazy Elf wrote:I say stop pussy footing around and beat the shit out of the bitch. I mean, she fucked some guy in the same house as you while you were going out, and if a guy did that to a female, she could hit him as much as she wanted and no one would say boo. Sucker punch her right in the jaw.

That's what I love (seriously) about CE, an equal rights offender. And yeah, it would seem appropriate, except that it would cause far more problems than it is worth, and it wouldn't help anyone either.

lorg · Post by **lorg** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 7:45 am

Wouldn't help anyone? It could temporarily make him feel better, fortunatly that feeling never lasts.

Alareth · Post by **Alareth** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 3:32 pm

I just wanted to give everyone a litle update on my situation. Things are not anthing near perfect, but I have been able to reach a certain level of equilibrium.

I was trapped in the house for 5 days with no electricity and 8 other people due to hurricane Frances.

In situations like that there is nothing left to do but talk. Tempers flared more than once but when forced to face it things can get worked out.

I'm not facing the street anymore as my mother came through at the last minute with some unexpectedly found money. I'd say it was a gift from God and he was watching out for me if I believed in such things.

As for the woman ...

We aren't actually a couple anymore and haven't been for about 3 months. This doesn't change my feelings for her. It's really complicated. Before we were lovers, we were friends and had been so for 6 years. I still consider her to be my best friend and I don't begrudge her finding someone new in her life.

I'm biased though. I still love her very much and had been holding out the hope that I could find a way to bring her back. There was a great deal of miscommunication between us recently that led me to believe I had good reason to hope.

I think the real problem for me wasn't that she was sleeping with someone else, it was that I found myself at the ultimate low point in my life and more than any other time, I desperately needed the warmth and comfort of the intimacy that we had shared together . The fact that she was freely offering the thing that I need to another person right there on the other side of that door was a blow that hit way to close to the heart at a time of great weakness for me.

At any onther time I don't think it would have affected me the way it did.

The two of us did a lot of talking sitting here in a dark house for a week. I'm a flawed and broken person and I needed to just perform a dump of all the built up crap that is waying me down. I turned to her, my best friend, and she listened as years of pain flowed out from the uncorked bottle. I told her things about my past, my fears and my emotions that I have never told another living soul.

She sat and she listened. She reciprocated and told me somethings about herself that I would have never expected or dreamed. She gained insight about me that corrected a few wrong ideas and now understands why I act in certain ways.

I learned that when we were together, that she didn't realize that I actually loved her the way I did. I'm not the kind of person that just comes out and says "I love you". I tend to contiually work under the false impression that it's something that does not need to be said, it's something that is implied in deeds and actions.

She thought we were just having some fun, that it was a relationship that wasn't meant to last and was a fling to satisfy the basic needs for companionship that everyone needs. It's the only type of relationship she has ever had in her life and didn't comprehend or even think that this one was anything different. My roommate is just another fling and nothing more. Didn't realize that pain it would cause me.

She is coming to grips with the fact that a single word or action on her part is enough to crush me right now. I am truly sorry that I've placed a responsibility like that on her shoulders. She doesn't deserve it.

I spent the weekend trying to put it out of my mind, what they were doing. I did a decent job of it for the most part. It was those little casual comments in the day to day conversations of others about when I wasn't prepared to hear that would trip me off and bring the pain rushing to the surface. I was a miserable person to be around during that time and I have since made many apologies to everyone that was here.

It all culminated on Sunday night when I had a bit of a nervous breakdown. Someone made one of those innocent comments about the two of them together and I felt like I was suffocating, I had to get outside and get some air. Then, well I don't know what happened then. I was standing by the side of a road about a mile and a half from home and the last 8 hours were a complete blank. I don't know where I went or what I did. It scares me because I have never had a piece of my life missing like that before.

It's all done me good I suppose. I can deal with her sleeping with him now. I still wish she would come back to my arms but I'll survive. There's other things I need to deal with, but we are still having those talks and the lines of communication and honesty between us are open and stronger that they have been for the last 6 years.

I want to thank all of you for the support you offered me here in this thread. I've still got a ways to go, but very worst is over for the immeadiate time.

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Fri Sep 10, 2004 11:53 am

Cool. You were abducted by empathic thereputic aliens.