Past, present, future

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 9:19 pm

I don't really know how to word this. In a relationship, when everything about the past is shared up to a point. Then later, another thing is revealed. Should it harm the present and future? I realize this is all subjective and opinionated, not fact. I was just wondering what eveybody else thought of it. I don't want to know details, because I myself am not willing to share them. Unless you want to tell them. I just want to know opinions and such. Not like it's going to change anything. Just seeing what everybody else thought.

WillyGilligan · Post by **WillyGilligan** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 9:49 pm

It depends. As a relationship evolves, you gain trust in each other, so it makes sense that as time goes on one or both partners will reveal things to each other that they wouldn't necessarily tell anyone else that wasn't involved. Sometimes this is information like "I was molested as a kid", or "I used to be in a gang", or I don't know what else. Stuff that has a bearing on who you are now, but that you don't like just anyone to know. So this stuff is like easter eggs. You find them as you go along and the relationship gets stronger. It can be surprising, but when you're told this stuff it's a measure of how much your so is willing to trust you.

Then there's other stuff. "I'm married", "I used to be a man", "I have a rape conviction, and yes, I did it", and so on. Stuff that actually changes the relationship instead of just refining it. So, no, I don't think it has to harm the 'now on', but that all depends on what the revelation is.

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 10:52 pm

that's a very good point. it all depends on the situation. each one has different reactions and those reactions will vary from person to person. there is no set rule of "engagement" (so to speak) of how to handle some info that's bad or could be bad. there's no general way to handle certain things because we're not all the same and don't react the same to situations or information. while some of us may react in a similar manner, that may change quickly or slowly over time. do you see what I'm getting at?

if you're really worried about something you've learned or done that may impact your future in a bad way, then you should reconsider doing it (if the problem is you) or reconsider a future at all with that person (if the problem is someone else). sometimes stuff like this haunts you and affects you in your day to day life forever. or it comes back to haunt you and could permenantly destroy what you've worked so hard to make. if you can't go day to day without fretting over what you learned from that other person, then it's best to part. your mental health isn't worth whatever kind of relationship you think is worth salvaging. it just isn't. it'll hurt like hell, but it's a matter of seeing the forest for the trees. what may make you feel better right now doesn't mean that's how you'll feel in the future and since that's what seems to be important, then the future is what needs to be focused on.

if you're dead set on not parting ways or unwilling to budge on what you're going to do, then I suggest counciling to help you deal with the situation and move on. it doesn't have to be professional counciling. a very good friend you trust and look to will do just as well.

I wish I could give you more advice and I wish you well.

MissTeja · Post by **MissTeja** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 11:01 pm

Willy made an excellent point about the severity of the situation at hand, and Gunny also made a good suggestion about deciding the importance of the relationship to you. There are so many variables to take into consideration in a situation like this, man. Like, how long you've been together, whether there were high aspirations for the future, whether or not you can see yourself without this person down the road. One big one though, that you will want to analyze is how your partner perceives this "secret" that has since been exposed.
Are they comfortable with it, but just were waiting for the right time to tell you? Or, rather, is it something they were embarrassed of? If it was the later of the two, and you DO decide to keep the relationship going, there are some definite trust issues at stake here. Obviously, it was not until recently that they felt comfortable enough to speak to you of the "secret". In the same respect, they have finally reached the point where they DO trust you, wholeheartedly, enough anyways to tell you about it.
This situation can either be a major hinderance to the relationship or a major step in the relationship. It sucks that it is mostly on your back to decide which it is, but don't take the situation lightly. If you need time to dwell on you decision, take it. If they care enough for the relationship, they'll let you have that time. You don't want to make a decision you'll regret later. Gunny suggested counseling. That may be a very helpful option you might wanna consider. Good luck, Bishop. -Teja

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Sat Nov 23, 2002 12:00 am

The revelation was mine. It is something that had never been asked or brought up. I received a very startling bit of news about it last week, brought it up in conversation. And never expected the reaction that was given. At least the severity of it. It will most likely blow over, like most of the other shit has. *shrugs* What comes will come. I will fucking deal with it then. I'm sick of dealing with it now. I've got too many other things to deal with.

Understanding and compromise is needed. On both sides. I think we both overreacted. Which is common, for both of us.

Edit: Valid point was made by her. The subject had been brought up, just never really /asked/ about. And I never thought of it. So my bad. Again.

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 7:42 am

Again, I'm at a loss for words. My posting is going to go way down for a while. Maybe a long while, I'm not sure yet. But I'm going to try to put myself back together again. It might take me a while. I don't know. thank you, everybody. Thanks for just being there to let me rant and bitch and talk. A lot of my healing came from you guys. Thanks doesn't cut it. My bodies healed. I don't know if my soul/heart/whatever the fuck you wanna call it will. Again, thank you. I'll be back. Rest assured on that.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 3:46 pm

Any time you want to rant, we'll be here.

Brineshrimp · Post by **Brineshrimp** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 3:59 pm

Well, Bishop. I hardly knew you, but here's my take....

Say you meet Mr. Right (or in our cases, Mrs. Right). And Mr./Mrs. Right and you decide to be consenting adults and have a intimate encounter or five. Now say Mr./Mrs. Right later announces, as you're having your post-nookie smoke, "Did I mention I have herpes?" Then you have grounds to be upset.

I know, I know. This post is not very serious, but you sounded like you needed a little humor, dammit.

In all seriousness, though. We're here for you. Just take care of yourself and do what needs to be done to get yourself back on track.

*insert more inspiring messages here*

Just think of it this way...at least you're not a gay model.

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 9:27 pm

Might be easier if I was.

Did I just say that?

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Thu Nov 28, 2002 8:17 am

Well. It's happened. The impossible has occurred. The Breaker has been broken. And it didn't take the will of god, a tree at 60 m.p.h., a gun, a baseball bat, an angry mob. Nope. It took a 5'3", 110 lb woman. It won't be permanent, of course. I'm too fucking stubborn for that. But god damn do I hurt.

On the upside, I appropriated a car. So I can go on with the rest of my life. Work, friends, bar fights. Lots and lots of bar fights.

Just letting everybody know, so if I seem snippy in the forums, or in channel, that's why. *shakes head* This is something I /can't/ walk away from. Kinda sucks.

But I'll get over it. Who knows, maybe in a couple months, it'll be back to

.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Thu Nov 28, 2002 4:22 pm

Bishop wrote:But I'll get over it. Who knows, maybe in a couple months, it'll be back to .

Alright....I'll help you by pointing you in the right direction, but you have to chase the turkey down yourself.

Ugh...sorry to hear that, Bishop.

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Thu Nov 28, 2002 8:40 pm

I'm gonna need some help with the chasing, too. I can't run very fast yet. (like I ever could) So you're gonna have to do, Cash.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Fri Nov 29, 2002 10:09 am

Chase the turkey? Sure, I can do....Oh. That's not what you meant. Well, why didn't you ask sooner?

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Fri Nov 29, 2002 9:13 pm

Who's asking? I was telling. *jumps on Cash and

:plode

FlakJacket · Post by **FlakJacket** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 1:48 am

Cash? I thought Adam was the forums emergency man-whore? Or is Cash the post-Sam replacement?

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 6:54 am

I like 'em short. And spicy. I don't like scarecrows.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 8:34 am

*rolls in the Tobasco sauce*

Brineshrimp · Post by **Brineshrimp** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 6:18 pm

Well, let's see what each whore has to offer....

Whore number one.

Whore number two.

Whore number one.

Whore number two.

And together.

Seems to me, you lose either way.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Sun Dec 01, 2002 1:09 am

I hate you, Brine.

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 3:47 pm

Ugh. Sorry to hear about that Bishop. Best of luck to you and try not to break stuff in fits of rage. Unless you want to paint yourself green before you do it.

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 4:31 pm

Bishophulk just doesn't quite roll off the tongue.

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Wed Dec 04, 2002 10:01 pm

Naw, I don't need the green paint. I do just fine without it. And I'm not really /angry/, per se. Just all fucked up. Life isn't going to be very much fun the next couple months, I don't think. *shrugs*

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 3:29 am

So my heart was broken. My spirit was not. Tonight was my first night of work in almost 5 months. Would have been 5 months in 6 days. It felt /good/ walking into that kitchen again. I took shit from my boys, but it was so good to be able to take that shit.

Of course, I'm fucking sore. God damned am I sore. But it's a good sore. The kind of pain that lets me know I'm alive. Rather then dead inside. And I haven't lost a step. Ok, so maybe half a step.

And not one recook.

Vralkie · Post by **Vralkie** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 5:07 am

Gud-jub.

Tim the Enchanter · Post by **Tim the Enchanter** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 6:05 am

Good to hear this, Bish. The spirit is the important thing; with it intact, all other ailments can be fixed. We shall persevere.

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 6:16 am

*Wuffles Bishop*

You done good, man.

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 4:10 pm

Thanks guys. And Szech: What the hell is that avatar supposed to be? I can't make heads or tails of it.

EvanMoore · Post by **EvanMoore** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 4:16 pm

Bishop wrote:Thanks guys. And Szech: What the hell is that avatar supposed to be? I can't make heads or tails of it.

Looks like a used tampon, to me.

Evan

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 4:30 pm

That's a big girl.

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 4:49 pm

EvanMoore wrote:Looks like a used tampon, to me.

You know, to me that looks like an article of clothing. I wish I could see the results of your Rorschach test.

R.A.G. · Post by **R.A.G.** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 5:08 pm

DV8 wrote:
EvanMoore wrote:Looks like a used tampon, to me.
You know, to me that looks like an article of clothing. I wish I could see the results of your Rorschach test.

Agreeing with Evan on this one... Red, then White... and a string.

[vc=Rainman]Definitly a tampon... definitly, definitly.... a tampon from K-mart.[/vc]

EvanMoore · Post by **EvanMoore** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 5:27 pm

DV8 wrote:
EvanMoore wrote:Looks like a used tampon, to me.
You know, to me that looks like an article of clothing. I wish I could see the results of your Rorschach test.

You know, I'd really like to take them sometime...

...every time I look at the images I've found online, I see spaceships, asteroids, comets, etc.

Evan

Anguirel · Post by **Anguirel** » Thu Dec 12, 2002 5:48 pm

EvanMoore wrote:You know, I'd really like to take them sometime...

...every time I look at the images I've found online, I see spaceships, asteroids, comets, etc.

<voice class="Excessive Treatment Psychiatrist"> That means you're crazy. Please report to surgery for summary lobotomy at your earliest convenience. </voice>

Past, present, future

Past, present, future

Sorry, a little late....

Hmm....