I've decided how to meet the woman of my dreams...

UncleJoseph · Post by **UncleJoseph** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 6:17 pm

Hey gang, I discovered this new website where you can pay a woman to be your girlfriend. It is considered a long distance relationship, so there's no prostitution issues. I'm really excited about this, since I'm tired of being alone. Some of the girls who have profiles are very attractive and seem intelligent. I'm also tired of being pressured by my family to get a girlfriend/wife.

I think it will solve all my problems, and for only $22.50/month to boot! Some of the girls are nearby too, so this could lead to something really special!

Dating Site

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 6:19 pm

Too bad she seems to be taken....I could use some of this...

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Thu Apr 14, 2005 6:42 pm

Saw this before. Tried to convince financially-troubled female friends to try it. Didn't end well.

MissTeja · Post by **MissTeja** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 4:00 am

Hahaha! And after that other thread, I totally thought you were going to say that due to the overwhelming majority of opinions you'd gotten, that you'd decided to become...*drumroll*... a PORN STAR! Hahaha.

Too funny dude. I'm surprised you don't hang around me more, man. I have tons of single, cute, criminal-justice-interested friends with college educations to boot! Bwahaha. Sorry. In a goofy mood.

BloodHound · Post by **BloodHound** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 4:56 am

personally, I think i'll keep waiting. 22.50 a month to talk to women sounds crazy to me.

Twisted Sister · Post by **Twisted Sister** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 7:29 am

We cost way more when we're standing right next to you. :asleep $22.50 a month is cheap like a budgie, mate.

Salvation122 · Post by **Salvation122** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 7:34 am

MissTeja wrote:Hahaha! And after that other thread, I totally thought you were going to say that due to the overwhelming majority of opinions you'd gotten, that you'd decided to become...*drumroll*... a PORN STAR!

I was almost a porn star, once.

UncleJoseph · Post by **UncleJoseph** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 7:58 am

Miss Teja wrote:Hahaha! And after that other thread, I totally thought you were going to say that due to the overwhelming majority of opinions you'd gotten, that you'd decided to become...*drumroll*... a PORN STAR! Hahaha.

Do home movies count????

Brineshrimp · Post by **Brineshrimp** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:30 pm

Twisted Sister wrote:We cost way more when we're standing right next to you. :asleep $22.50 a month is cheap like a budgie, mate.

Amen, Sister.

lorg · Post by **lorg** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:31 pm

UncleJoseph wrote:Do home movies count????

Why shouldn't it?

MissTeja · Post by **MissTeja** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:42 pm

UncleJoseph wrote:Do home movies count????

Now see, here is where one can see how I live in a twisted little world. I think those things should be considered completely difference than commercialized stuff, and perhaps even encouraged. Hell yeah they count.

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 3:25 pm

But would you make one, or have you?

Instant Cash · Post by **Instant Cash** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 4:11 pm

Eva wrote:But would you make one, or have you?

I would!

And I haven't yet only due to lack of having a video camera and willing partner at the same time.

lorg · Post by **lorg** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 5:10 pm

Doing homemade porn... Mmm ... Nah ... I'll pass on that one. Don't really see the point, on the other hand that doesn't mean I mind seeing the once others have made

UncleJoseph · Post by **UncleJoseph** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 7:12 pm

Eva wrote:But would you make one, or have you?

Hmm...I have had a digital camera for years, a video camera for longer than that....ummm, I'm not going to incriminate myself any further...

MissTeja · Post by **MissTeja** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 8:31 pm

Eva wrote:But would you make one, or have you?

I never have, but I would with someone I trusted. Sure.

Adam · Post by **Adam** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 9:01 pm

UncleJoseph wrote:
Eva wrote:But would you make one, or have you?
Hmm...I have had a digital camera for years, a video camera for longer than that....ummm, I'm not going to incriminate myself any further...

Especially when the incriminating bit is "... and ever since Paul moved in..."

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Sat Apr 16, 2005 12:21 am

We were on tape? But you said you wouldn't show this to anyone else!

lorg · Post by **lorg** » Sat Apr 16, 2005 12:36 am

Isn't that what they all say? No, promise. Nobody will ever see these ...

Patience · Post by **Patience** » Sat Apr 16, 2005 6:31 am

Twisted Sister wrote:We cost way more when we're standing right next to you. :asleep $22.50 a month is cheap like a budgie, mate.

Amen.

UncleJoseph · Post by **UncleJoseph** » Sat Apr 16, 2005 6:59 am

Miss Teja wrote: I'm surprised you don't hang around me more, man. I have tons of single, cute, criminal-justice-interested friends with college educations to boot! Bwahaha. Sorry. In a goofy mood.

So uhh...you gonna hook me up or what?!?!?!?!

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 1:00 pm

MissTeja wrote:
Eva wrote:But would you make one, or have you?
I never have, but I would with someone I trusted. Sure.

Huh. That's.. different. I'm currently having, well, the best sex of my life really, with someone I trust and who looks good naked. It's pretty shameless sex too, yet the thought of filming it makes me giggle uncomfortably, 14-year old stylie.

WillyGilligan · Post by **WillyGilligan** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 5:30 pm

Eva wrote: yet the thought of filming it makes me giggle uncomfortably, 14-year old stylie.

As near as I can tell, I can focus on enjoying the sex or focus on making it look good on film. I can't do both.

Of course, I'm extremely boring in the first place.

3278 · Post by **3278** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 10:55 pm

There's nothing more troubling and potentially humiliating than having two of your ex-girlfriends talking about sex in front of half your friends.

Please, someone, say something to bolster my image and self-esteem, before I implode!

MissTeja · Post by **MissTeja** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 2:25 am

Eva wrote:It's pretty shameless sex too, yet the thought of filming it makes me giggle uncomfortably, 14-year old stylie.

Well, my saying I'd do that and actually going through with it are two possible different things.

I am usually good on my word, but I think as soon as any film-toting equipment came in the nearby vicinity, I, too, would probably start giggling uncomfortably and searching for Neverland under the covers.

I think the idea is cool, more than anything. It's kind of like bungee jumping. I think people who do it must be crazy! Yet, I can say I'd like to try it, but I'm sure the second I stood up on the edge of some bridge staring at 1000 feet of air followed by a rock at the bottom, I might not be so gung-ho.

Johnny the Bull · Post by **Johnny the Bull** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:03 am

3278 wrote:There's nothing more troubling and potentially humiliating than having two of your ex-girlfriends talking about sex in front of half your friends. Please, someone, say something to bolster my image and self-esteem, before I implode!

I love you long time 32. You tip well. No cheap charlie.

Serious Paul · Post by **Serious Paul** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:09 am

me love Johnny long time, him Boocoo Bad Dong carrier.

Johnny the Bull · Post by **Johnny the Bull** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:11 am

Serious Paul wrote:me love Johnny long time, him Boocoo Bad Dong carrier.

I knew it didn't go unoticed.

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 8:05 am

WillyGilligan wrote:As near as I can tell, I can focus on enjoying the sex or focus on making it look good on film. I can't do both.

Exactly! I'd be so focused on looking good *makes hotsexyporn face* that the sex would be godawful.

Johnny the Bull · Post by **Johnny the Bull** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 9:24 am

Eva wrote:
WillyGilligan wrote:As near as I can tell, I can focus on enjoying the sex or focus on making it look good on film. I can't do both.
Exactly! I'd be so focused on looking good *makes hotsexyporn face* that the sex would be godawful.

Yeah, people who say pornstars have no skills are being dishonest. Have you ever tried to keep up a good rutting session whilst wearing a faceful of sprog like its the latest summer line from Armani? I can tell you its harder than it... wait. I've said to much.

Eva · Post by **Eva** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:31 am

I don't even know what 'rutting' or 'sprog' means, but the visual was charming nonetheless. :o)

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 10:23 am

Rutting is a term for sex derived from animal's mating season, particularly the whitetail deer. When in season, they are said to be in "rut". As far as sprog, I don't really want to know.

lorg · Post by **lorg** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 12:37 pm

Did you guys watch Full Metal Jacket again or what?

Patience · Post by **Patience** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 12:56 pm

One of the total assholes in that movie has my last name. Freakeh.

Johnny the Bull · Post by **Johnny the Bull** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 1:28 pm

Bishop wrote:Rutting is a term for sex derived from animal's mating season, particularly the whitetail deer. When in season, they are said to be in "rut". As far as sprog, I don't really want to know.

A drovers term for semen.

FlakJacket · Post by **FlakJacket** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 1:34 pm

Really? I've always heard sprog as meaning kids.

Salvation122 · Post by **Salvation122** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 2:55 pm

Well, fanny means "ass" here (though in an endearing, childish way) and something completely different 'cross the pond. Caused a bit of a stir with a native Briton in my senior English class.

FlakJacket · Post by **FlakJacket** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 4:58 pm

Yeah I can see how that might have caused some confusion.

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 8:49 pm

Explain?

WillyGilligan · Post by **WillyGilligan** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 10:30 pm

I've never truly run into it over here, but as near as I can tell, fanny means pussy.

MissTeja · Post by **MissTeja** » Thu Apr 21, 2005 2:08 am

Whoa - Willy... just realized you're from the UK. Can I ask where abouts? That's cool.

Maelwys · Post by **Maelwys** » Thu Apr 21, 2005 12:58 pm

MissTeja wrote:
Eva wrote:But would you make one, or have you?
I never have, but I would with someone I trusted. Sure.

*steps up to the plate, and brings flowers*

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Thu Apr 21, 2005 1:22 pm

For her to trust you, you have to take off the sweater.

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Thu Apr 21, 2005 2:54 pm

Sold.

MissTeja · Post by **MissTeja** » Sat Apr 23, 2005 6:51 pm

Missed this til just now. Ghe.

WillyGilligan · Post by **WillyGilligan** » Sat Apr 23, 2005 11:18 pm

MissTeja wrote:Whoa - Willy... just realized you're from the UK. Can I ask where abouts? That's cool.

Not 'from' exactly. I'm stationed here and living north of London right now. This summer we're pulling up stakes and going back to the USA again.

MissTeja · Post by **MissTeja** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 1:26 am

Ah, I see. *nod* Well, give me a heads up if you're in the city at all between May and July. I'll be doing an internship/work placement in London.

Angel · Post by **Angel** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 7:02 am

WillyGilligan wrote:I've never truly run into it over here, but as near as I can tell, fanny means pussy.

That'd bring a new meaning to "fanny pack" or "spanking her fanny", yeah, I can see there being a bit of confusion when an American goes to England, or the other way around.