Bulldrek v3.0

You kow, I've been here for a while, posting here and there, but I'd never checked this area of the website.

Wow

Is it some kind of ritual to abuse new members? Does everyone have a dark side I didn't suspect of?

Maybe.

On a completly unrelated note, would you like some Corn?

... Corn?

Yes. Corn.

*points to a large plate with several dozen ears of corn on it*

Bare with us, JW. It'll all be over long.

Uh, thank you. *eats some corn*

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

*four ears of corn fly out and pin JongWK to the wall and a husk grabs his head, face-hugger style*

Name where that came from and get a cookie. And no, the cookie will not attack you.

Heheheehehe....

It Begins...

Here is your Mutant Kitten Overseer, his name is Rusty.

Put him on your shoulder, do what he says, and you are guaranteed a happier, healthy life.

Yesss massster...

*walks around Igor-style*

*Uses Sticks to break JW's bones*

Now all we need is Stones.

Lord Death Hand wrote: *Uses Sticks to break JW's bones*

*Crawls around like goo*

*walks into the thread trying to whistle through his scarred lip and PLOP* *looks down, lifting his foot out of the pile of goo he just stepped in* "Ohh, man. What the hell is this?"

Out of the silence of the thread, the piercing beeping of a reversing-alarm gives Jong warning of the impending doom; but being a goo, he cannot run very fast. A dumptruck looms over the gooed-Tasty, and the back opens, dumping two long tonnes of cobblestones onto the Tasty.

"Someone call for some stones?" Baron calls from the cab, with an evil grin

*Kitt pimp-limps into the thread, lacking her pimp stick. She seems angry as she ambles up to LDH, one hand behind her back. She takes one of the sticks that he was using to turn Jong into a puddle, then proceeds to whap LDH upside the head with a frying pan, which was behind her back the whole time.*
"Watch which stick you use, putz. I hope you didnt get Jong goo on my stick."

Some of the stones were uranium ore, actually. A weird mutation happens to Jong... He heals, grows and turns green!

Jong smash!!!

Oh, this ain't gonna be pretty? *looks over at the pitiful Jong mutation* And I ain't talking about you, neither. Althought that is an unusually pretty green.

*Nods.*

This ain't going to be pretty for Jong...

oOO! DakiHulk vs JongHUlk! GOGOGOGOGOGOGO!

[Racetrack voice] Ooooh! 5 to 1 Daki skunks him. Who's bettin'? [/voice class]

Ten kilos of orichalcum on Dakihulk.

Lord Death Hand wrote:*Uses Sticks to break JW's bones*

Now all we need is Stones.

Will Paint it Black do?

Wow. This is actually pretty pitiful. I remember when newbie pumm...err...greetings were more violent. Ah well, time for some hot LESBALANGA! action with the targ...err...friend.

First, a little sex change...

TGCJEWELER!

TGC uses some of his long-stored essence to call upon the powers of the Realms to change the poor guy into a Jewel blow-up doll...accidentally keeping the unusually attractive green color, due to the rust on his casting skills

Dammit. I knew I should've used that spell more often. Curses! Oh, well.

LESBALANGA!

Suddenly, the hue and cry of a half dozen overweight lesbian troll females with limps start running through the thread, grab the doll, and continue through the thread unimpeded due to the extreme wrongness that was the image of overweight troll women with limps

GODS DAMMIT! You six should be ashamed of yourselves! I'm gone for like a year and you get out of shape like that?!?!?! Does NO ONE train you?

TGC wanders towards the damn corn, assfro twitching the entire way. It starts to angle towards Kitt...

NO! BAD ASSFRO! You don't eat anyone we don't remember from the last time we woke up and showed up for a tasty greeting. If you wanna eat Lord Death Hand, go right ahead. I've got some old industrial Mylanta in case you get heart burn...

AAAAHHH!!! KEEP THEM AWAY!!! KEEP THEM AWAY!!! WHAT ARE THOSE TROLLS DOING???

Er, maybe I don't want to know...?

*Sigh*

They NORMALLY would be using large objects to violate your now-womanly body due to being the lesbian form of the Ungamunga Brigade...

However...they've also degenerated into a frothing mass of hormones and fat, so it's more like giant Roseanne clones are violating you with large objects...

My eyes...my poor eyes...

Roseanne who?

*checks Google*



Ugh... *pukes*

...

*pukes again*

:evil

That's probably the best reaction I've ever seen. You get...a muffin!

It's chocolate chip chocolate...

Kitt wrote:*Kitt pimp-limps into the thread, lacking her pimp stick. She seems angry as she ambles up to LDH, one hand behind her back. She takes one of the sticks that he was using to turn Jong into a puddle, then proceeds to whap LDH upside the head with a frying pan, which was behind her back the whole time.*
"Watch which stick you use, putz. I hope you didnt get Jong goo on my stick."

*Crumbles to dust*

Damnit. Of course you hit me in the one spot that turns me to dust.

*Blows away*

CURSES!

Wow...LDH was a Gold Digger-style Undead Knight...dayum...

Where's Rook when ya need him?

TGC goes to search the planes for the Undead Knight Rook's Tower...

*Swirls around in the wind until TGC breathes him in*

Sweet. Free trip!

*COUGH* *HACK* *WHEEZE*

Ouch. Damn chest colds.

TGC uses one of Gina Diggers experimental anti-cold sprays...

Well, that feels...better. I think...

Oh look, it's Rook's Keep!

TGC starts for the door, ignoring the Deadians (Pervert Skeletons), zombies, and...some sort of undead...chicken...thing with a tentacle for an arm and a broom in the other...

'Scuse me...sorry...comin' through...*SQUISH* Whoops...JongWK, what're you doing here? Oh well. Hey, undead dudes? Chocolate Chip Muffin, right here!

TGC enters the keep, leaving the zombies, Deadians and the undead...chicken...thing with a tentacle for an arm and a broom in the other to have fun with the poor tasty...

Oh yeah...this 'ill be great!

*Millons of miny LDH battle against TGC's cold medicine minions inside his lungs. Tiny explosions rip all through the dwarf's small body as the figthing spreads*

TGC thumps his chest, trying to settle his guts...

Dammit. I better regen before I meet up with Hanza...he-I mean she'll gut me like a tuna fish if I'm not up to par with that damned Big Ass Sword...

TGCREGEN!

THBOOM!

Ow...DAMMIT!

TGC notices LDH standing next to him inside the foyer at Rook's Tower...

Now how the hell did you get here? You DO realize this is a locus for all evil in the Jaden Realms?

I was uh...just taking a stroll and ended up here. Yeah that's it. A stroll....As for evil.

*Dons his paladin armour*

I SHALL SMITE ALL THAT IS EVIL BY TORM'S WILL!

TGC has a sudden image of a flaming skeletal paladin carrying his own big ass sword and laying waste to evil with steel and flames

Wow...That would rock....

TGC whips out a Cross Punisher, undoing it's cover and setting it up for minigun mode.

Let's make some Deadians do the Cha Cha Cha, eh?

TGC lays waste to a dozen Deadians in a burst of deadly autofire.

WOOHOOO!

*LDH raises his holy blade and charges into a mass of the Deadians slaying the evil creatues as he goes. Heads fly off, bodies are engulfed in flame and some unlucky bastards explode with holy light*

[voice class=Duff Man] OH YEAH! [/Duff Man]

TGC closes the Cross Punisher, having already spent most of the minigun ammo, and returns it to Hammerspace. He then re-reaches in and pulls out a black dai-katana that gleams with an orange-bluish light.

Ah, yes. Ebony Dai-katana with a fire and ice enchantment. Now, where's the bitch?

Who're you callin' a bitch, dammit! I'm a man!

From here, HanzA you look very much feminine. What're those, 36Cs?

Actually they're Ds-hey! That's it, you're gonna DIE!

TGC readies his sword and makes a 'come hither' motion

Come on you top-heavy wench! You thought the Diggers sisters were bad, wait 'til you try me on for size!

*LDH bounds around the corner sword held high and runs smack into Hanza's boobs knocking him for a loop*

Hello boobies...did you get the name of that truck?

Dammit. There went my chance at a sixty line fight scene. Look at 'er. 'er eye's 'r' all swirly and stuff. Doesn't help you cracked her head on your skull. Ah, well. Let's see if Rook's home. He's usually got some wicked cool undead to play with.

TGC picks LDH up and out from between Hanza's clevage, and sets him upright.

Ready? Let's Go!

*wanders through the thread, sets Jong on fire, and yoinks the Muffin on her way through*[/i]

*LDH picks up Hanza and throws her over his shoulder*

She will be made to repent for her crimes at the nearest church of Torm or she will suffer. Anyway let's go and kill more evil things.

TGC wanders back through, picks up a random deadian, and tosses it in front of the fleeing Liniah.

Heh. Muffin pounce...activated.

*The long-absent, tattooed, autonomous, grunger golem dashes through the thread, snatching the Muffin from Liniah's hands as he runs by.*

Tasty beatings have really mellowed out in the time that I've been away. Oh well.....

*While fleeing with the Muffin, Sykoholic makes a point of stomping on the gooed Jong with his Boots of SMITE!tm.*

*LDH turns around and acciedently bashes Syko in the face with Hanza's feet*

What ho? A MUFFIN? Looks tasty.

*LDH bends down to retrieve the MUFFIN*

*As the flaming boney one bends over to retrieve the MUFFIN, Syko kicks him squarely in the hiney with the Boots of SMITE!tm . The blow transfers the pulpy goo that is Jong from Syko's boot to LDH's backside*

That's MY muffin! I stole it fair and square!

TGC runs by, picks up Hanza and throws her over his shoulder, incidentally patting her on the ass...which wakes her up, and she's in a bitchy mood...

Damn you, put me down, or I swear I'll gut you like a fuckin' fish, you...you... ... say, who are you?

Uhm, the names TGC, I was leading an old school Undead Beatdown through Rook's Keep here, until my flaming paladin friend ran into you. So you wouldn't get caught in a muffin fight, I picked you up and started carrying you away from here.

A muffin fight? Right, and I'm gonna turn back into a guy when this is all over...

Look, you've fought the armsmaster, right? She wiped the floor with ye, right? These guys would wipe the floor with her...and they aren't even trained warriors.

...You know, cutting losses may be a good thing right now. Wonder if a cell over at Sanctuary would be safer than this...

So we leave them to level the keep, and we'll head towards Sanctuary then. Great.

TGC reaches into his coat, pulls out some rocket boots and heads towards the horizon...

*LDH collapses to the ground as his pelvis explodes*

When I can stand you are getting such a licking!

*LDH attaches wheels to the side of his body and wheels after Syko*

You're going to get it now golem boy!