What the...

JongWK · Post by **JongWK** » Thu Jun 10, 2004 5:20 pm

You kow, I've been here for a while, posting here and there, but I'd never checked this area of the website.

Wow

Is it some kind of ritual to abuse new members? Does everyone have a dark side I didn't suspect of?

Silent Sniper · Post by **Silent Sniper** » Thu Jun 10, 2004 5:39 pm

Maybe.

On a completly unrelated note, would you like some Corn?

JongWK · Post by **JongWK** » Thu Jun 10, 2004 5:47 pm

... Corn?

Silent Sniper · Post by **Silent Sniper** » Thu Jun 10, 2004 6:14 pm

Yes. Corn.

*points to a large plate with several dozen ears of corn on it*

Sticks · Post by **Sticks** » Thu Jun 10, 2004 6:22 pm

Bare with us, JW. It'll all be over long.

JongWK · Post by **JongWK** » Thu Jun 10, 2004 6:45 pm

Uh, thank you. *eats some corn*

Silent Sniper · Post by **Silent Sniper** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 2:50 am

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

*four ears of corn fly out and pin JongWK to the wall and a husk grabs his head, face-hugger style*

Name where that came from and get a cookie. And no, the cookie will not attack you.

Kwyndig · Post by **Kwyndig** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 3:02 am

Heheheehehe....

It Begins...

Alareth · Post by **Alareth** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 12:46 pm

Here is your Mutant Kitten Overseer, his name is Rusty.

Put him on your shoulder, do what he says, and you are guaranteed a happier, healthy life.

JongWK · Post by **JongWK** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 2:07 pm

Yesss massster...

*walks around Igor-style*

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 3:05 pm

*Uses Sticks to break JW's bones*

Now all we need is Stones.

JongWK · Post by **JongWK** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 5:28 pm

Lord Death Hand wrote: *Uses Sticks to break JW's bones*

*Crawls around like goo*

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 7:53 pm

*walks into the thread trying to whistle through his scarred lip and PLOP* *looks down, lifting his foot out of the pile of goo he just stepped in* "Ohh, man. What the hell is this?"

BaronJ · Post by **BaronJ** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 7:55 pm

Out of the silence of the thread, the piercing beeping of a reversing-alarm gives Jong warning of the impending doom; but being a goo, he cannot run very fast. A dumptruck looms over the gooed-Tasty, and the back opens, dumping two long tonnes of cobblestones onto the Tasty.

"Someone call for some stones?" Baron calls from the cab, with an evil grin

Kitt · Post by **Kitt** » Sat Jun 12, 2004 2:42 pm

*Kitt pimp-limps into the thread, lacking her pimp stick. She seems angry as she ambles up to LDH, one hand behind her back. She takes one of the sticks that he was using to turn Jong into a puddle, then proceeds to whap LDH upside the head with a frying pan, which was behind her back the whole time.*
"Watch which stick you use, putz. I hope you didnt get Jong goo on my stick."

JongWK · Post by **JongWK** » Sat Jun 12, 2004 3:13 pm

Some of the stones were uranium ore, actually. A weird mutation happens to Jong... He heals, grows and turns green!

Jong smash!!!

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Sat Jun 12, 2004 3:34 pm

Oh, this ain't gonna be pretty? *looks over at the pitiful Jong mutation* And I ain't talking about you, neither. Althought that is an unusually pretty green.

Kwyndig · Post by **Kwyndig** » Sat Jun 12, 2004 7:10 pm

*Nods.*

This ain't going to be pretty for Jong...

FlameBlade · Post by **FlameBlade** » Sat Jun 12, 2004 8:54 pm

oOO! DakiHulk vs JongHUlk! GOGOGOGOGOGOGO!

Kitt · Post by **Kitt** » Sun Jun 13, 2004 12:16 am

[Racetrack voice] Ooooh! 5 to 1 Daki skunks him. Who's bettin'? [/voice class]

Silent Sniper · Post by **Silent Sniper** » Sun Jun 13, 2004 1:55 am

Ten kilos of orichalcum on Dakihulk.

Sock_Monkey · Post by **Sock_Monkey** » Sun Jun 13, 2004 4:39 pm

Lord Death Hand wrote:*Uses Sticks to break JW's bones*

Now all we need is Stones.

Will Paint it Black do?

Kwyndig · Post by **Kwyndig** » Sun Jun 13, 2004 7:28 pm

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Sun Jun 13, 2004 10:57 pm

Wow. This is actually pretty pitiful. I remember when newbie pumm...err...greetings were more violent. Ah well, time for some hot LESBALANGA! action with the targ...err...friend.

First, a little sex change...

TGCJEWELER!

TGC uses some of his long-stored essence to call upon the powers of the Realms to change the poor guy into a Jewel blow-up doll...accidentally keeping the unusually attractive green color, due to the rust on his casting skills

Dammit. I knew I should've used that spell more often. Curses! Oh, well.

LESBALANGA!

Suddenly, the hue and cry of a half dozen overweight lesbian troll females with limps start running through the thread, grab the doll, and continue through the thread unimpeded due to the extreme wrongness that was the image of overweight troll women with limps

GODS DAMMIT! You six should be ashamed of yourselves! I'm gone for like a year and you get out of shape like that?!?!?! Does NO ONE train you?

TGC wanders towards the damn corn, assfro twitching the entire way. It starts to angle towards Kitt...

NO! BAD ASSFRO! You don't eat anyone we don't remember from the last time we woke up and showed up for a tasty greeting. If you wanna eat Lord Death Hand, go right ahead. I've got some old industrial Mylanta in case you get heart burn...

JongWK · Post by **JongWK** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 10:50 pm

AAAAHHH!!! KEEP THEM AWAY!!! KEEP THEM AWAY!!! WHAT ARE THOSE TROLLS DOING???

Er, maybe I don't want to know...?

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Wed Jun 16, 2004 2:22 pm

*Sigh*

They NORMALLY would be using large objects to violate your now-womanly body due to being the lesbian form of the Ungamunga Brigade...

However...they've also degenerated into a frothing mass of hormones and fat, so it's more like giant Roseanne clones are violating you with large objects...

My eyes...my poor eyes...

JongWK · Post by **JongWK** » Thu Jun 17, 2004 2:03 am

Roseanne who?

*checks Google*

Ugh... *pukes*

...

*pukes again*

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Thu Jun 17, 2004 1:37 pm

:evil

That's probably the best reaction I've ever seen. You get...a muffin!

It's chocolate chip chocolate...

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Thu Jun 17, 2004 3:40 pm

Kitt wrote:*Kitt pimp-limps into the thread, lacking her pimp stick. She seems angry as she ambles up to LDH, one hand behind her back. She takes one of the sticks that he was using to turn Jong into a puddle, then proceeds to whap LDH upside the head with a frying pan, which was behind her back the whole time.*
"Watch which stick you use, putz. I hope you didnt get Jong goo on my stick."

*Crumbles to dust*

Damnit. Of course you hit me in the one spot that turns me to dust.

*Blows away*

CURSES!

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Fri Jun 18, 2004 7:47 pm

Wow...LDH was a Gold Digger-style Undead Knight...dayum...

Where's Rook when ya need him?

TGC goes to search the planes for the Undead Knight Rook's Tower...

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Mon Jun 21, 2004 8:18 pm

*Swirls around in the wind until TGC breathes him in*

Sweet. Free trip!

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Tue Jun 22, 2004 2:43 pm

*COUGH* *HACK* *WHEEZE*

Ouch. Damn chest colds.

TGC uses one of Gina Diggers experimental anti-cold sprays...

Well, that feels...better. I think...

Oh look, it's Rook's Keep!

TGC starts for the door, ignoring the Deadians (Pervert Skeletons), zombies, and...some sort of undead...chicken...thing with a tentacle for an arm and a broom in the other...

'Scuse me...sorry...comin' through...*SQUISH* Whoops...JongWK, what're you doing here? Oh well. Hey, undead dudes? Chocolate Chip Muffin, right here!

TGC enters the keep, leaving the zombies, Deadians and the undead...chicken...thing with a tentacle for an arm and a broom in the other to have fun with the poor tasty...

Oh yeah...this 'ill be great!

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Tue Jun 22, 2004 7:53 pm

*Millons of miny LDH battle against TGC's cold medicine minions inside his lungs. Tiny explosions rip all through the dwarf's small body as the figthing spreads*

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Wed Jun 23, 2004 3:00 pm

TGC thumps his chest, trying to settle his guts...

Dammit. I better regen before I meet up with Hanza...he-I mean she'll gut me like a tuna fish if I'm not up to par with that damned Big Ass Sword...

TGCREGEN!

THBOOM!

Ow...DAMMIT!

TGC notices LDH standing next to him inside the foyer at Rook's Tower...

Now how the hell did you get here? You DO realize this is a locus for all evil in the Jaden Realms?

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Thu Jun 24, 2004 3:52 pm

I was uh...just taking a stroll and ended up here. Yeah that's it. A stroll....As for evil.

*Dons his paladin armour*

I SHALL SMITE ALL THAT IS EVIL BY TORM'S WILL!

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Fri Jun 25, 2004 2:37 pm

TGC has a sudden image of a flaming skeletal paladin carrying his own big ass sword and laying waste to evil with steel and flames

Wow...That would rock....

TGC whips out a Cross Punisher, undoing it's cover and setting it up for minigun mode.

Let's make some Deadians do the Cha Cha Cha, eh?

TGC lays waste to a dozen Deadians in a burst of deadly autofire.

WOOHOOO!

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Fri Jun 25, 2004 7:50 pm

*LDH raises his holy blade and charges into a mass of the Deadians slaying the evil creatues as he goes. Heads fly off, bodies are engulfed in flame and some unlucky bastards explode with holy light*

[voice class=Duff Man] OH YEAH! [/Duff Man]

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Sun Jun 27, 2004 10:06 pm

TGC closes the Cross Punisher, having already spent most of the minigun ammo, and returns it to Hammerspace. He then re-reaches in and pulls out a black dai-katana that gleams with an orange-bluish light.

Ah, yes. Ebony Dai-katana with a fire and ice enchantment. Now, where's the bitch?

Who're you callin' a bitch, dammit! I'm a man!

From here, HanzA you look very much feminine. What're those, 36Cs?

Actually they're Ds-hey! That's it, you're gonna DIE!

TGC readies his sword and makes a 'come hither' motion

Come on you top-heavy wench! You thought the Diggers sisters were bad, wait 'til you try me on for size!

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 7:55 pm

*LDH bounds around the corner sword held high and runs smack into Hanza's boobs knocking him for a loop*

Hello boobies...did you get the name of that truck?

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 2:52 am

Dammit. There went my chance at a sixty line fight scene. Look at 'er. 'er eye's 'r' all swirly and stuff. Doesn't help you cracked her head on your skull. Ah, well. Let's see if Rook's home. He's usually got some wicked cool undead to play with.

TGC picks LDH up and out from between Hanza's clevage, and sets him upright.

Ready? Let's Go!

Liniah · Post by **Liniah** » Thu Jul 01, 2004 12:35 am

*wanders through the thread, sets Jong on fire, and yoinks the Muffin on her way through*[/i]

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Thu Jul 01, 2004 7:16 pm

*LDH picks up Hanza and throws her over his shoulder*

She will be made to repent for her crimes at the nearest church of Torm or she will suffer. Anyway let's go and kill more evil things.

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 8:54 pm

TGC wanders back through, picks up a random deadian, and tosses it in front of the fleeing Liniah.

Heh. Muffin pounce...activated.

Sykoholic · Post by **Sykoholic** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 9:14 pm

*The long-absent, tattooed, autonomous, grunger golem dashes through the thread, snatching the Muffin from Liniah's hands as he runs by.*

Tasty beatings have really mellowed out in the time that I've been away. Oh well.....

*While fleeing with the Muffin, Sykoholic makes a point of stomping on the gooed Jong with his Boots of SMITE!tm.*

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Tue Jul 13, 2004 2:50 pm

*LDH turns around and acciedently bashes Syko in the face with Hanza's feet*

What ho? A MUFFIN? Looks tasty.

*LDH bends down to retrieve the MUFFIN*

Sykoholic · Post by **Sykoholic** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 12:31 pm

*As the flaming boney one bends over to retrieve the MUFFIN, Syko kicks him squarely in the hiney with the Boots of SMITE!tm . The blow transfers the pulpy goo that is Jong from Syko's boot to LDH's backside*

That's MY muffin! I stole it fair and square!

The Grand Crusader · Post by **The Grand Crusader** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 9:44 pm

TGC runs by, picks up Hanza and throws her over his shoulder, incidentally patting her on the ass...which wakes her up, and she's in a bitchy mood...

Damn you, put me down, or I swear I'll gut you like a fuckin' fish, you...you... ... say, who are you?

Uhm, the names TGC, I was leading an old school Undead Beatdown through Rook's Keep here, until my flaming paladin friend ran into you. So you wouldn't get caught in a muffin fight, I picked you up and started carrying you away from here.

A muffin fight? Right, and I'm gonna turn back into a guy when this is all over...

Look, you've fought the armsmaster, right? She wiped the floor with ye, right? These guys would wipe the floor with her...and they aren't even trained warriors.

...You know, cutting losses may be a good thing right now. Wonder if a cell over at Sanctuary would be safer than this...

So we leave them to level the keep, and we'll head towards Sanctuary then. Great.

TGC reaches into his coat, pulls out some rocket boots and heads towards the horizon...

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Mon Jul 19, 2004 3:55 am

*LDH collapses to the ground as his pelvis explodes*

When I can stand you are getting such a licking!

Sykoholic · Post by **Sykoholic** » Tue Jul 20, 2004 8:20 am

*Dances the "Making Sure He Does Walk Any Time Soon" dance on LDH's legs, then grabs The Muffin and makes a hasty retreat.*

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Tue Jul 20, 2004 4:31 pm

*LDH attaches wheels to the side of his body and wheels after Syko*

You're going to get it now golem boy!