Do Not Get Married...

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:14 pm

Or, if you do, be sure to increase the physical security on your place or Thorn and I will break in and do all of these things to you!

We would have completed this list of all the horrible things that we had planned to do to the happy couple. Good thing they thwarted us with a brunch...

Clear JellO in the toilet, complete with a fishtank diver
Jingle Bells attached to the bedframe.
Sugar in the salt shaker and vice versa
Sew pants closed.
Reverse batteries in remotes.
Max out the volume on the alarm clocks, set them for odd times and then hide them
Unscrew, but do not remove, all light bulbs.
Max out all volumes on all entertainment appliances.
Smear vaseline on all handles.
Change outgoing message on answering machine.
Fill some room with crumpled newspaper.
Fill some drawer with packing peanuts.
Put CD's into different cases.
Change internet access password to "something funny".
Have Christian email SPAM delivered.
Peel Labels from canned goods, in fact, bring odd canned goods to strip.
Box of superballs at the head of the stairs, rigged to cascade as the door opens.
Suction cup dildo in shower.
Reprogram Tivo for mexican wrestling/soaps, fishing shows and Full House.
Fill shoes with rice.

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:17 pm

thank Gawd for attack dogs.

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:21 pm

Thank gawd I've been warned-- you guys just try and find me!

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:22 pm

Cazmonster grins and points at the peanut butter and scopolamine smeared beef rib bones.

Every door has the perfect key.

The cyberfreak looks at the rib bones and salivates heavily.

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:23 pm

*looks at the peanut butter and salivates heavily*

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:29 pm

*Roots around for beef jerky*

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:29 pm

*Salivates heavily for no apparent reason* What? Everyone's doing it!

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:30 pm

*Pounds the fucking hell out of LDH*

Stop being a conformist!

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:34 pm

The cyberfreak sees all the attention being paid to his attack dog key, gets jealous, and without further thought, tears into the drug laced raw beef and peanut butter.

Mmmmm.... woozy now.

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:35 pm

*Slaps Caz with a leg of lamb*

Wake up!

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:37 pm

Cazmonster grabs Szechuan by the calf and savagely gnaws on his thigh.

Must... prepare for turkey sacrifice!

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:38 pm

*attacks the leg of lamb and dangles from it, gnawing happily*

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:41 pm

Ack! Caz! Wrong leg!

*Hands Caz a leg of Brontosaurus*

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 10:33 pm

The cyberfreak gorges with everything he has, all in preparation for the day of days, the feast of turkey carne carnas!

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 10:36 pm

*dreads said day's arrival*

over-use of garlic on lamb...

*queezy*

BaronJ · Post by **BaronJ** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 11:49 pm

Aah.. dead birds roasting on an open fire... chestnuts nowhere to be found. No bloody relatives (cause they're all dead). Can't wait.

Oh yeah. School too because my bloody Uni's administration can't read a bleeding calendar, and they scheduled Thanksgiving Day break a week early, and were too pig-headed to change it after they printed the schedules.

Bloody morons.

Chuckles · Post by **Chuckles** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 12:17 am

I got married.

It'll be 6 months as of the 18th.

Points finger at the sky, and the weather started to get "rough"

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 12:21 am

Cazmonster wrote:The cyberfreak gorges with everything he has, all in preparation for the day of days, the feast of turkey carne carnas!

Silly Cazmonster. Our thanksgiving was over a month ago!

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 3:59 am

Chuckles wrote:I got married.

It'll be 6 months as of the 18th.

Points finger at the sky, and the weather started to get "rough"

Dirty Dirty Man!

We shall find you, and then the shivaree will commence!

Lord Death Hand · Post by **Lord Death Hand** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 4:36 am

*Notices his inards sticking out and shrugs. He then proceeds to eat his own inards*

Nightsky · Post by **Nightsky** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 5:32 am

Fortunately I am immune from these atrocities at this stage in my life for my personality and values are geared towards personal freedom making me unwilling to sacrifice my desires for someone elses!

That and the 'M' word scares the fuck out of me

Matthew · Post by **Matthew** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 5:40 am

Alas Matthew finds this thread to be humourous indeed because he still searches for a woman.

Kitt · Post by **Kitt** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 11:59 am

HAH! The tasty feels the evilness of singleness. And Kitt needs to stop with the ness-ness.

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 2:25 pm

*Feels Matthew's pain, but has since learned to suck it up, becaue there's always another one around the corner*

Nightsky · Post by **Nightsky** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 4:55 am

I will never marry! At 90 years old I will be chasing the hot chicks with the walkers in my battery powered wheel chair!

Hold on, someone at the door,

*Opens door to see a 7 foot tall blond chick in a bikini holding a box of chocolates and a chainsaw*

You are the woman of my dreams, marry me!

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 2:38 pm

Nightsky wrote:*Opens door to see a 7 foot tall blond chick in a bikini holding a box of chocolates and a chainsaw*

You are the woman of my dreams, marry me!

7ft tall!? you don't want a woman, you want a man in drag!!

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 3:38 pm

Mmm, seven foot tall amazon...

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 4:59 pm

You still have, what, 5 feet on her, Caz?

By the way, Nightsky, amazon means boobless. You really do want a man in drag!

Nightsky · Post by **Nightsky** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 8:06 pm

Amazonian Warrior Women are 7 Feet tall and they use tohave boobs. It was only the accidently use of a chainsaw that caused the loss of a natural resource.

Chuckles · Post by **Chuckles** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 10:39 pm

Nightsky wrote:That and the 'M' word scares the fuck out of me

Monkey? That word makes me giggle.

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 11:05 pm

it's the Marriage Monkey!

Nightsky · Post by **Nightsky** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 11:56 pm

AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

*runs and hides*

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Fri Nov 15, 2002 12:06 am

Hehe, marriage monkey. That nagging feeling she gets when you've been boffing her for 10 years...

Kitt · Post by **Kitt** » Fri Nov 15, 2002 2:31 am

boffing? brit talk for screwing? or just me being incompetent?

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Fri Nov 15, 2002 2:21 pm

Well, I'm not british. But yeah, that's what it means.

Gunny · Post by **Gunny** » Fri Nov 15, 2002 2:52 pm

boffing... now that's a word I haven't heard since High School.

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Fri Nov 15, 2002 3:15 pm

boffing is wonderfully good, and I've not heard it since high school either.

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Mon Nov 18, 2002 3:35 pm

Maybe I heard it somewhere-- I was watching 16 Candles last weekend.

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 11:51 pm

Damn, Bulldrek was down when Gunny and Daki got married.

And I had twin toddlers.

Ugh.

Kitt · Post by **Kitt** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 2:35 am

Ever want to crazy glue the kids together from some body part and claim they're siamese twins?

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 8:05 am

Even crazy glue couldn't hold those kids together...

DV8 · Post by **DV8** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 8:39 am

I miss Nightsky, and Chuckles, too.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 9:22 am

Where ar those nutters?

FlameBlade · Post by **FlameBlade** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 8:07 pm

oh, one advice:

Check to see if your significant others is possibly gay before getting married.

Caine Hazen · Post by **Caine Hazen** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:39 pm

and this is why I only date married chicks anymore

Do Not Get Married...

Do Not Get Married...

Ahem...BRING IT, CYBERMONKEYBOY!

Re: Ahem...BRING IT, CYBERMONKEYBOY!