Irc Funnies

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Thu May 23, 2002 3:26 pm

You got a problem with Ewoks?

DarkMage · Post by **DarkMage** » Thu May 23, 2002 3:32 pm

No problem with Ewocks infact I feel sorry for them haveing to be in such a bad movie

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Thu May 23, 2002 4:07 pm

It wasn't the Ewoks that made those movies bad. It was everything else.

DarkMage · Post by **DarkMage** » Thu May 23, 2002 5:24 pm

Oh you mean like the Mellenum Falcon be on the planet?

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Fri May 24, 2002 7:46 am

[18:11] <The-Mighty-Buddha> Or your hole family has a problem with locking themselves out
[18:11] <Adam> "whole"
[18:11] <The-Mighty-Buddha> yes
[18:11] <The-Mighty-Buddha> That to
[18:11] <Adam> "too"

Now back to Ewoks, they are gods. The movie had gods in it, and is therefore holy. You will be burnt for this heracy.

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Fri May 24, 2002 2:48 pm

But I'm fireproof.

Jackal · Post by **Jackal** » Fri May 24, 2002 4:16 pm

[12:11] <Liniah> "humps Paul's leg, not in lust, but in rabid anger" Adam, that is priceless!
[12:12] <Adam> Yeah, there's a lot about me that's priceless.
[12:12] <Liniah> uh-huh
[12:12] <Liniah> I'm looking at these threads going..."am I /sure/ I'm in SST?"
[12:12] <Adam> Hey, you haven't bought it yet. ;-)
[12:13] <Jackal> Yeah, you know priceless and free of charge sometimes mean the same thing....
[12:13] * Kwyndig laughs
[12:13] <Adam> And I'm both for you, baby.
[12:13] <Adam> Free, but you value me like a rare gem.
[12:14] <Spiral> A rarte gem best served with lube.
[12:14] <Adam> Without a doubt.
[12:15] <Adam> Does anyone market lube in a really nice bottle, like a bottle of perfume? They should.
[12:15] <Jackal> And like most gems he requires serious deep drilling.

Salvation122 · Post by **Salvation122** » Wed May 29, 2002 9:17 pm

<Harley667> All up in the hissouze
<Harley667>
<Salvation122> "This is for all the ladies in the hizowiowiowiowiowiowiowiowiowzze!"
<Salvation122> "Mark!"
<Salvation122> "What?"
<Salvation122> "Shut the fuck up!"
<Harley667> I forget how many people know my first name since people started using it in channel. Without asking, but there you go too late now.
<Salvation122> Actually, that's a quote from a live Blink182 album...

Harley667 · Post by **Harley667** » Wed May 29, 2002 9:24 pm

*mutter*

Ryan Murphy · Post by **Ryan Murphy** » Wed May 29, 2002 9:35 pm

WHAT? You mean his first name ISN'T Harry?

Harley667 · Post by **Harley667** » Wed May 29, 2002 9:41 pm

You can call me anything you want to, sugar. Just pay me afterwards, okay?

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Wed May 29, 2002 10:09 pm

Darn the luck, even less IRC goodness for Caz.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Tue Jun 04, 2002 2:46 pm

<Paul_burping_son> My kid has gas
<OverLord> ...
<Paul_burping_son> He keeps belching and farting
<Paul_burping_son> over and over
<OverLord> Oooookay, then...
<Jackal> Squeeze him and see what happens.
<Kai> What did you feed the poor kid?

<The-Pantsless-Avenger> I know how to help with his gas. Take his pants off.
<Paul_burping_son> Heh
<The-Pantsless-Avenger> Pantsless Avenger AWAY!
*** The-Pantsless-Avenger is now known as Cash-AFK
<OverLord> o_O

Wildfire · Post by **Wildfire** » Wed Jun 05, 2002 2:12 am

[22:22] <Nexusvoid> FIGHT
[22:22] <Nexusvoid> FIGHT
[22:22] * OverLord sighs.
[22:22] * Wildfire slugs Nex
[22:22] * OverLord blinks.
[22:22] * Nexusvoid crashes into Overlord
[22:22] <OverLord> *THUD*
[22:22] <Adam> Nex: She won't hit me because I like it. ;-)
[22:23] <OverLord> Gerrof, ya big oaf!
[22:23] * Nexusvoid gets back up and scissor kicks Wild
[22:23] <Nexusvoid> Don't make me break out the Psycho Crusher, be0tch!
[22:23] <Wildfire> I alreaady tried hitting Adam, he purred and me and said "Again!"
[22:23] * OverLord pulls a stungun out from his sleeve and electrofires Nex in the neck area.
[22:23] <Adam> Wildfire: That's because getting hit is fun.
[22:24] * Nexusvoid gets an erection
[22:24] <OverLord> ...
[22:24] * OverLord vanishes.
[22:24] * Nexusvoid pulls the cucumber out of his pants and throws it at OL's dust trail

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Thu Jun 06, 2002 4:15 am

Cucumbers are not to be trifled with...

Jackal · Post by **Jackal** » Sun Jun 09, 2002 1:26 am

[21:22] <Flame> then I can be drunk at next year's gathering
[21:22] <Eva> Being drunk sucks, Flame.
[21:22] <Eva> For /real/.
[21:22] <Flame> I know
[21:22] <Adam> No doubt.
[21:22] <Flame> as evidenced
[21:22] <Flame> by last year's gathering
[21:22] <Adam> Eva went out, got drunk on Merlot, and came back with Earl.
[21:22] <Adam> WHAT THE FUCK?!
[21:22] <Adam>

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Mon Jun 10, 2002 7:48 pm

Ah yes, the infamous 3 hour merlot trip.

Jackal · Post by **Jackal** » Wed Jun 12, 2002 1:47 am

[21:43] <LargeMike> Adam, you okay? You've never flat out booted me before.
[21:43] <LargeMike> Ahh, thank you.
[21:43] <Jackal> [21:42] <Adam> I just lost 30 pages worth of proofing due to a power outage.
[21:43] <Jackal> [21:42] <Jackal> ouch
[21:43] <Jackal> [21:42] <Moonwolf> Ouch!
[21:43] <LargeMike> Ouch!
[21:44] <Jackal> I think that sums it up.
[21:44] <Jackal> So be nice and suck slowly, he likes it that way.
[21:44] <LargeMike> I'd be cross too.
[21:44] <ThatCash> rofl!
[21:44] <Adam> Lot of gentle tongue.

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 3:04 am

Well, I miss the comedy. I also miss out on the homoeroticism. I think it all balances.

Jackal · Post by **Jackal** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 6:08 am

Wuss

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Tue Jun 18, 2002 2:22 pm

#bulldrek wrote:[00:42] *** DV8 sets mode: -o Tamino
[00:42] *** DV8 sets mode: -o Tam-at-work
[00:42] *** DV8 sets mode: -o MooCow_
[00:42] *** Jestyr sets mode: -o DV8
[00:42] <@Jestyr>
[00:42] <@Instant_Cash> heh
[00:42] <@Jestyr> ..oh damn...
[00:43] <@Instant_Cash> hey deev
[00:43] * @Jestyr ducks from ChanServ.
[00:43] *** ChanServ sets mode: +o DV8
[00:43] *** DV8 sets mode: -o Jestyr
[00:43] <@Instant_Cash> I have a good motto for bulldrek
[00:43] *** CrazyElf sets mode: -o DV8
[00:43] <@CrazyElf> Ha ha
[00:43] *** ChanServ sets mode: +o DV8
[00:43] *** CrazyElf sets mode: -o DV8
[00:43] <Jestyr> I /so/ wish I had OperServ access
[00:43] <@Instant_Cash> Bulldrek: Dimented and sad, but social
[00:43] <@CrazyElf> YES!
[00:44] *** ChanServ sets mode: +o DV8
[00:44] *** CrazyElf sets mode: -o DV8
[00:44] *** ChanServ sets mode: +o DV8
[00:44] <@CrazyElf> Bugger
[00:44] <@Instant_Cash> heh
[00:44] *** CrazyElf sets mode: -o DV8
[00:44] <@CrazyElf> Got him!
[00:44] *** ChanServ sets mode: +o DV8
[00:44] *** CrazyElf sets mode: -o DV8
[00:44] *** ChanServ sets mode: +o DV8
[00:44] *** DV8 sets mode: -o CrazyElf
[00:44] <@Instant_Cash> touche
[00:44] <CrazyElf> I got more

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Tue Jun 18, 2002 2:25 pm

And the follow up:

#bulldrek wrote:[00:48] *** Parts: [32|work-ee] (~3278@cloaked.metrogr.org)
[00:48] *** Joins: [3278] (~3278@cloaked.metrogr.org)
[00:48] *** ChanServ sets mode: +o [3278]
[00:48] <@DV8>
[00:48] *** [3278] sets mode: +ooo CrazyElf Cygnata eva|wrk
[00:48] *** [3278] sets mode: +ooo Instant_Cash Libidocaine Lightfinger
[00:48] *** [3278] sets mode: +ooo MooCow_ Tam-at-work Tamino
[00:49] <@Jestyr> We gots da ops!
[00:49] *** [3278] sets mode: -o DV8
[00:49] <@Jestyr>
[00:49] <@[3278]>
[00:49] <@CrazyElf> Hurrah!

Crazy Elf · Post by **Crazy Elf** » Thu Jun 20, 2002 3:25 am

Yay for IRC, I love this thread, it seduces me.

<@Drucilla> Suck the love.

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Thu Jun 20, 2002 3:13 pm

I miss all the good stuff.

punkey · Post by **punkey** » Thu Jun 20, 2002 7:36 pm

I got a whole mess of these. Most of them were from a single night when the entire world seemed to go insane.

<AmmoJack> what if you dont wear a hat?
<ElBarto> then you must have no head. That must really suck.

<AmmoJack> Hey, Loopydupeyenergizerbatterymon, how did you change your name without me knowing it?
*** loopydupeyenergizerbatterymon is now known as twelveinchpianist
<twelveinchpianist> because I have eyes in the back of your head

<Raziel> These kids in lysol commercials make me want to never have children. They just show that children are nothing but bags of disease, seeking to perpetuate their own filth by blatntly and maliciously sneezing on people.

<twelveinchpianist> you sir are like pfft get away and get it from an umbrella. Respect.

<Genieinalightbulb> friends you have made me feel so righteous in my path through the village but now I must continue to preach to the wikked and the lonely snake handlers so that the moon will once again eat turnip soup

<Genieinalightbulb> if you don't think that's enough to make the rainbow shine backwards and the seas to shimmey to some wikked threads from a corner shop then may the best man buy the drinks

<King-Vitaman> you can play the trout
<King-Vitaman> i mean, the bass

<GFSU|Salvation> Me : it's like you can read my mind Girl : I can Me : k, what am i thinking about right now? Girl : Sex Me : You are a god!

If you can tolerate MUD stuff too, I got even more of them, including the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life. I literally have had someone choke from laughing when they read this.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Fri Jun 21, 2002 10:00 am

Give it to us, then.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Fri Jun 21, 2002 1:45 pm

*Jackal and Wildhuntsman in #bulldrek talking about dice bots for IRC. I was getting bored with it and couldn't resist*

<ThatCash> Jackal:: Have you built your bot off of the 1D10T base yet?
<Jackal> No, I have a modified SR bot that would sort of do that but I didn't need it enough to work out the kinks
<ThatCash> Really? I'm surprised that you aren't familiar. 1D10Ts are fairly common...
<Jackal> I was probably going to rewrite the code in the end but I haven't played any on-line games in months so it hasn't been a priority.
<Wildhuntsman> Jackal: any sites on 1D10T codeing?
<Jackal> Google it
<Wildhuntsman> bandwith busy... it update day for me
<ThatCash> I'm surprised that you don't know about 1D10T
<Wildhuntsman> other than you be one? no
<ThatCash> Jackal has passing familiarity with 1D10Ts...
<ThatCash> And I'm pretty sure 3-2 does also
<Wildhuntsman> scripting for irc isn't something I've considered (been ocupied with school.. where my proggys got me out of writing term papers for the classes)
<[3278]> I do. PEBKAC error scripting, too.
<Jackal> hehe
<ThatCash> Ahhh, yes

Anyone else know 1D10Ts?

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Fri Jun 21, 2002 1:52 pm

Oh Cash... evil little Cash...

That was beautiful.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Fri Jun 21, 2002 1:57 pm

It's a good thing that 32 has sharp eyes.

I've also seen it spelled PIBCAK...

Threadbare · Post by **Threadbare** » Fri Jun 21, 2002 4:22 pm

Punkey: yes, post your funnies. Also, all of the previous instances of funny were collected from #bulldrek, which you need to get yo' ass on, to experience more of "teh funny".

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Fri Jun 21, 2002 4:25 pm

Amen!

Wildhuntsman · Post by **Wildhuntsman** » Sat Jun 22, 2002 8:18 pm

growls at Cash

No posting when I'm tired and wasted from a shift!

either that or I need to stop logging into #bulldrek when tired and not tracking well..

FlameBlade · Post by **FlameBlade** » Sun Jun 23, 2002 6:58 pm

awwww...poor widdle Wilds

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Mon Jun 24, 2002 11:57 am

Couldn't get the 1D10T base dice bot to work?

Boy, I wish I knew how to program 1D10Ts...

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Mon Jun 24, 2002 2:16 pm

1D10T uses an arcane programming language.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Tue Jun 25, 2002 11:44 am

What? The PIBKAC language?

Jackal · Post by **Jackal** » Tue Jun 25, 2002 2:20 pm

<CrazyElf> Are you retarded, beacuse I don't remember you being retarded?

Salvation122 · Post by **Salvation122** » Sat Jun 29, 2002 4:37 am

* SeriousPaul (Paul@208.18.0.0) has joined #bulldrek
<Nexusvoid> Did Meri kick your ass yet, Paul?
* SeriousPaul is now known as Meri
<Meri> And yes I did
<Nexusvoid> Sweet!
<OverLord> Hi Meri.
<Salvation122> What did you kick Paul's ass in?
<Nexusvoid> That made absolutely no sense
<OverLord> How far did you kick Paul's ass in?
<Salvation122> It made sense when I thought it.
<Salvation122> What did you kick Paul's ass in reference to?
<Reika> Heyla Meri
<OverLord> And I'm just wondering about the size of the dent.
<Meri> As my dad would say "I'm gonna kick your ass up between your shoulders!"
<OverLord> So, Butthead?
<Nexusvoid> You know, Sal
<OverLord> Who's gonna be Beavis, then?
<Nexusvoid> "Why did you kick Paul's ass, Meri?" would have been easier.

<Salvation122> It still makes no sense, does it?
<Meri> So... if your gonna kick ass you might as well take it to the shoulders
<Salvation122> Yeah, well, tha would have made way too much sense.
<Nexusvoid> Obviously
<Salvation122> So, anyway:
<Salvation122> "Why did you kick Paul's ass, Meri?"
<Nexusvoid> lol
<Meri> I haven't been on five minutes and Paul wants the computer
<Salvation122> Oh.
<Nexusvoid> Kick his ass some more!
<Meri> BEcause he was telling everyone that he got it on with me last night
<Salvation122> My sister did that earilier. I told her to shut the fuck up.
<Salvation122> Oh, fuck me.
<Salvation122> GodDAMN typing time.
<Nexusvoid> Your sister was telling everyone that she got it on with you?
<Adam> Just fuck your sister.

punkey · Post by **punkey** » Sat Jun 29, 2002 5:06 am

Fun with MUDs. I got these off of Desolation, a post-apoc MUD based off of Wasteland. Try not to aim for rolling on the floor, unable to get up, but just for a hearty "What the fuck?" and a small inner smile for some of this. They're a bunch of weird folk.

<gossip> Klyde: I have a plan that involves several rolls of toilet paper, a pack of gum, a jar of grape jelly, 2 bottles of rotgut, one of gamma gulp beer, and a mongoose.
<gossip> Turk: Alright magiver.
<gossip> Bitterman: this isnt an elaborate plan to fuck the mongoose is it?
<gossip> Klyde: uh... no...?
<gossip> Bitterman: listen to those items man.
<gossip> Bitterman: jelly for lube, gum and beer for the pain, and tp to wipe up.
<gossip> Turk: LOL.
<gossip> Klyde: okay... the jelly is the lube, the gum is for the mongoose to bite on, the beer is so I wont remember it and TP for cleanup.
<gossip> Turk: You just think bad.
<gossip> Bitterman: no I dont, see, he said the same thing.
<gossip> Bitterman: don't jerk me arround man, I've played fuck the mongoose before, I know what I'm doing.

<gossip> Cykotik: bitterman, put that baseball bat away, I don't like where this is going.

Head says: dont point at my girl....
Wrack says: your girl? man, from what I hear, evenyone dun had that bitch.
Head says: I was the 1st.
Wrack says: and the 23rd, and 85th, and the 1229th.

Devil says: i found myself wearing nothing but a bath robe, boxers, and Mr. Grinch slippers, babbling crazy shit like "My God is a French whore. Worship my clitoris priest!", and lunging at visitors whenever I answered the door.

<gossip> Killah: I hear it's full of cracked out english and spaniards.
<gossip> Bitterman: yeah, but isnt everything?

<gossip> Brad: my bother accessed my character earlier.
<gossip> Brad: the bastard.
<gossip> Bitterman nods.
<gossip> Bitterman: do me a quick favor, and on behalf of all of Desolation, punch him in the nuts for us.
<gossip> Brad: my pleasure. give me half a minute,
<gossip> Bitterman nods.
<gossip> Brad: what do i do with him now ? he's on the floor in agony.
<gossip> Bitterman shrugs.
<gossip> Brad: and what exactly did he do ?
<gossip> Bitterman: requested an mp5k that shoots gummy bears.
<gossip> Brad screams.
<gossip> Brad: i'll go hit him again.
<gossip> Bitterman nods, "Good thinking"

<cre> Bitterman: I want one of these.
<cre> Bitterman: http://www.nerf.com/products/power/ballzooka.html.
<cre> Paco laughs out loud.
<cre> Bitterman: Matt! You need to clean the house! *pop* Ow!
<cre> Arkandor: just one *pop*?
<cre> Bitterman: thats all you need dude, thats all you need.
<cre> Bitterman: gotta save some for the cat.
<cre> Arkandor: dude, that's why you keep a pocket full of balls.
<cre> Bitterman: heheh heh you said pocket full of balls.
<cre> Arkandor: *POP*
<cre> Bitterman falls to the floor, twitching spastically.

<gossip> Devil: I just want to smuggle a cinder block up to the Empire State Building, and throw it off... just to see how much damage I could do.
<gossip> Bitterman: dude, no wonder you can't get a chick.
<gossip> Devil: Shut up, dammit.
<gossip> Bitterman: you just have sex with her, and then you're laying in bed, cuddling, and you say "I wonder what it's like to eat paste, and then lick small children.."
(note: the whole children and paste thing was something that Devil said which is still used against him to this day.)

<gossip> Bitterman: man.. you like need to.. think before you speak.
<gossip> Bitterman: if what you're going to say involves violence, or otherwise brings a smile to your face, you probably shouldnt say it.
<gossip> Devil: so I should just hold it in... then as soon as I go home, go outside on my back porch, and scream "GOD DAMN! I FEEL LIKE WIPING MY ASS WITH A SALAMANDER AND CHASING TODDLERS AROUND WITH BLOOD-DRENCHED TAMPONS!"
<gossip> Bitterman ... yes.

<cre> Devil: i have my own fetish. It's called "What the FUCK!?!"
<cre> Devil: it's the words that come out of my partner's mouth when I get up in the middle of sex, dismount her, and walk into my kitchen butt naked to make myself a sandwich.
<cre> Bitterman: at least he's not saying wacky shit like "I wonder what it's like to eat paste, and then lick small children" again.
<cre> Devil: well, that too.

<gossip> Bitterman: what part of "stop making items to kill the players" are you not understanding here, jackass.

<cre> Bitterman: so, wha'd you get Jesus for his birthday?
<cre> Arkandor: A 'Jesus Saves' coffee mug.
<cre> Bitterman nods.
<cre> Arkandor: you?
<cre> Bitterman: I got him a "What Would Jesus Do?" shirt, and cap.
<cre> Arkandor nods.
<cre> Bitterman: I hope it's the right size.
<cre> Arkandor nods.
<cre> Bitterman: I also got him a book on learning how to play the piano.. I know he's been wanting to ever since that whole "large spikes through the wrist and nailed to a cross" deal.
<cre> Arkandor: oh yea, I also got him a 'Mr. Hankey' doll.
<cre> Arkandor: I'd like someone to get me a Mr. Hankey doll...
<cre> Arkandor: so that way... some day, years down the line. In a heated arguement I can throw it back in their face.
<cre> Arkandor: OH YEA?! REMEMBER CHRISTMAS OF 2000?! YOU GOT ME CRAP FOR CHRISTMAS! CRAP YOU HEAR ME?!
<cre> Arkandor: NOT EVEN REAL CRAP! YOU HAD TO GET ME FAKE, STUFFED, MADE IN TAIWAN CRAP!
<cre> Arkandor runs into his room crying and slams the door.

<gossip> Valence: Oh. You mean Gary Coleman?

<gossip> Devil: is that the sci-fi porn shit?
<gossip> Devil: good lord, is that porn retarded. some nude chick getting sprayed with green cum from a 3-foot foam-rubber dildo that's supposed to be an alien penis...
<gossip> Bitterman ... what?
<gossip> Bitterman: ok, you, don't talk anymore.

<gossip> Jackson: nevermind.im remembering the wierdest most usless stuff right now..ive had alotta coffee...
<gossip> Bitterman: I'm going to tell you the same thing I told my 6 yr old nephew, Jackson.
<gossip> Bitterman: Dude, caffine is bad for you. You should smoke crack instead.
<gossip> Jackson: you astound me with youre neverending logic bitterman...

<gossip> Natalia: Which reminds me, you didn't pay either! And you never did give back that dildo you were borrowing...
<gossip> Bitterman shrugs, and continues sharpening the tip of the dildo. Then with lightning quick reflexes, he launches the spiked dildo at Natalia.
<gossip> Natalia catches the dildo in the eye, "I told you you'd have someone's eye out with that thing damnit!"
<gossip> Bitterman flicks a "pocket rocket" out from under his sleeve. He tosses it with percision accuracy at Natalia's other eye.
<gossip> Natalia stands with her arms folded, "Ok, that's not funny, where are you all?"
<gossip> Bitterman: why do I feel like a really queer super hero all of a sudden.
<gossip> Rynthas shrugs, "Gee Bitterman, I don't know?"
<gossip> Midian: blinding her, so she'll do ya, huh?
<gossip> Bitterman spins arround, hurling razor sharp condoms at Midian.
<gossip> Midian: argh!!! That lube burns!

<cre> Bitterman: I don't log anything unless it makes me go "what?"
<cre> Turk: Hey bitterman.
<cre> Bitterman: what?
<cre> Turk: Ok log it.

<cre> Arkandor: ow, ow, fucking ow, adjust my sweats and my god damn dick gets caught in the pullstring.
<cre> Bitterman ...
(Later...)
<gossip> Arkandor: Here's today's thought of wisdom.
<gossip> Arkandor: Rope burns suck.
<gossip> Arkandor: This has been today's thought of wisdom, thank you for your time.
(After some complaints...)
<cre> Arkandor: Hey, you've all said disgusting things that we've rather not heard about, like Devil's fetish "What the Fuck?!" and your pr0n idea, "Spooge"
<cre> Arkandor: Well this is mine fucker! YOU EAT IT HARD BITCH!
<cre> Arkandor ...
<cre> Arkandor: I gotta stop going to sleep at 4am...
<cre> Bitterman: dude.

<gossip> Cliff: you shoulda let me explain it Bitter... It woulda ment the same anyway from the sound of it.
<gossip> Bitterman: no it wouldn't.
<gossip> Bitterman: you would've confused them with your "blha blah, get herpes, blah blah, armrha, blah, sleeper"
<gossip> Bitterman: just shut up.
<gossip> Cliff: actually I'd ended up by saying it wasn't incoporated and you'd use for RP purposes.
<gossip> Cliff shrugs.
<gossip> Bitterman: perhaps you missed part of the conversation, so I'll recap.
<gossip> Bitterman: shut up.
<gossip> Turk: I missed all of the convo.......but still.....shut up.
<gossip> Bitterman raises two hand puppets, and talks with the left one, "Blah blah, Darwin, I'm cool, yeah, herpes."
<gossip> Bitterman talks with the right one, "Shut up"
<gossip> Bitterman talks with the left puppet, "Sleeper base.. blah. blah.. herpes.. blah blah.. I like to make Bitter mad"
<gossip> Bitterman talks with the right hand, "Shut up"
<gossip> Bitterman talks with the left puppet, "Bleh"
<gossip> Rynthas straps on his sock puppet and enters the conversation.
<gossip> Bitterman watches as the right puppet viciously attacks the left puppet, with a miniature baseball bat.
<gossip> Rynthas speaks with his newbie puppet, "?"
<gossip> Bitterman turns to the newbie puppet, with his right hand speaking, "Little hand, little hand, let me in!" Right puppet waves his bat arround.
<gossip> Rynthas speaks again with the newbie puppet, "So...how do I use the Medic skill?"
<gossip> Bitterman opens the front door, and walks into the newbie puppet's brick house. His right hand begins to wail away on the newbie puppet with his bat.
<gossip> Rynthas bites his lip until it bleeds as his hand in the puppet is crushed into a bloody paste.
<gossip> Cliff goes, "..." then shakes his head.
<gossip> Bitterman bows, and walks off stage.

<gossip> Kirov: why isn't there a vendor in cloud nine! i need my alcohol damnit!
<gossip> Bitterman: because people would always attack them.
<gossip> Bitterman: and bad coding led to errors out of both of them.
<gossip> Bitterman: like.. a flood of errors.
<gossip> Bitterman: and it was either A) Comment them out of the room until they're fixed, or B) Gouge my eyes out with MY DICK!
<gossip> Kirov ...
<gossip> Rynthas: Both were tempting options, but the coin favored A..
<gossip> Bitterman nods at Rynthas.
<gossip> Rynthas shrugs, "Yeah, I probably coulda sold the tape on E-bay if it hadda been B."
<gossip> Kirov: that's oscar material.
<gossip> Rynthas: You mean oscar can put his eye out with his own dick? Wow. A man of many talents.
<gossip> Bitterman: Sessame Street has come a long way.
<gossip> Rynthas raises an eyebrow.
<gossip> Bitterman: you know.. that dude that lived in the trash can.
<gossip> Rynthas blinks again. "Oh, yeah...forgot. Man....small wonder he's grouchy, I know I'd stay pissed off if my dick kept poking my eye."

<gossip> Jon: So the same as happens on gossip?
<gossip> Jon: Just for wizzes only?
<gossip> Paco: no.
<gossip> Paco: cre is much cooler.
<gossip> You nod at Paco.
<gossip> Bitterman: mainly because we can do this on cre.
<cre> Bitterman smacks Jon.
<gossip> Bitterman: and you never know about it.
<gossip> Jon: so you could be saying mean things about us behind our backs?
<cre> Bitterman smacks Jon.
<gossip> Bitterman: yes.
<gossip> Jon: not that you'd ever do that.
<cre> Squid smacks Jon.
<cre> Bitterman smacks Jon.
<cre> Squid smacks Jon.
<gossip> Bitterman: no, we'd never.

<gossip> Valence: I bought my girlfriend the Collected Works of Shakespeare for Valentine's.
<gossip> Bitterman: no wonder you two haven't had sex.
<gossip> Bitterman says to himself, "Damn, that was cold."

<newbie> Arkandor: to make it easier for all those 'this-should-be-more-like-quake' people, we've shortened the skill system down to just one skill.
<newbie> Arkandor: 1337ness.
<newbie> Ishmael: Ah. 1337.
<newbie> Arkandor: it goes up by talking in leetspeak and trash talking anything that kills you.
<newbie> Bitterman: it also helps to have no other real skills, just 1337ness.

<gossip> Tuyen: Probably a hopeless question, but has anyone seens Kastyr around?
<gossip> Bitterman: Kastyr killed himself.
<gossip> Viktor blinks.
<gossip> Bitterman sighs.
<gossip> Tuyen: Er, Come again?
<gossip> Bitterman: his funeral is tomorrow.
<gossip> Tuyen: You're fucking joking.
<gossip> Bitterman: I know.
<gossip> Bitterman: I mean.. what?
<gossip> Viktor grimaces.
<gossip> Cheltham doesnt think its funny.
<gossip> Bitterman: he didn't get it when I told him he killed himself either.

<cre> Turk: Cre is like the. "Stuff we couldn't show you on gossip"
<cre> Squid snickers.
<cre> Squid: yeah, just imagine what the admin channel is like.
<admin> Bitterman ponders . o O ( Cheese )

<gossip> Sydney: I heard Bitterman doesn't want ppl like me to know the color code. Is that true?
<gossip> Stryker: He doesn't want you to use them in an act of flamboyant gayness.
<gossip> Arkandor: much like in the way you just used it.

<gossip> Armrha: I was just talking to my SO, and she said 'have fun on your dirt thing tonight.'
<gossip> Armrha: and I was like, 'What?'
<gossip> Armrha: and she was like 'You know, the dirt thing, with bitterman and all the coding and stuff.'
<gossip> Armrha: and I was like, What? Desolation?
<gossip> Armrha: and she was like, no, the dirt, mud thing!

<cre> Armrha: how much should they bet.
<cre> Armrha: on the horse race.
<cre> Bitterman: dog race.
<cre> Armrha: dog is not a number.

<gossip> Heidern: Crickets like to hang out in those things on the sidewalk, I can't remember what their called...
<gossip> Bitterman: whores?
<gossip> Heidern: What are they called... The things in the sidewalk, with the meter inside...
<gossip> Bitterman: meters inside.. yes, whores.

<cre> Armrha: In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?

<announce> Jesus enters Desolation.
<gossip> Arkandor peers at Jesus.
<gossip> Bitterman: HAIL!
<gossip> Arkandor peers at Devil.
<gossip> Arkandor peers at Jesus.
<gossip> Arkandor ponders the situation at hand.
<gossip> Bitterman: I KNEW IT! HE SAID HE'D BE BACK IN 2000 YEARS!
<gossip> Viktor: i'm not gonna hail him.
<gossip> Andyc: Hey, are they gonna have a boxing match?
<gossip> Bitterman: PRAISE THE LORD! FOR HE HATH COME!
<gossip> Devil: Shut the fuck up... I can be any religious icon I want.
<gossip> Arkandor: Place yer bets right here!
<gossip> Jesus: Yeah!
<gossip> Bitterman bows to Jesus.
<gossip> Jesus wonders if he'll ever play piano again...
<gossip> Jesus: Ok... I'm Jesus, the Messiah... son of God, King of Man, the Savior of All You Fucking Sinner Morons.
<gossip> Jesus gets a sly grin on his face.
<gossip> Jesus: Who wants to suck my dick?
<gossip> Viktor starts to raise his hand, then quickly glances around and puts it down again.
<gossip> Ghost Dog: he's fake.
<gossip> Jesus yells: "I SAID WHO WANTS TO SUCK MY DICK!?!!"
<gossip> Ghost Dog: he's fake.
<gossip> Viktor: i only suck the dick of the almighty Karl Marx.
<gossip> Ghost Dog: I'd rather suck Judas' dick.
<gossip> Bitterman: YOU DARE DOUBT THE WORD OF OUR LORD, GHOST DOG?
<gossip> Andyc doesn't suck dick.
<gossip> Bitterman: NOW DOWN ON YOUR KNEES, AND SUCK THE DICK OF OUR MESSIAH!
<gossip> Jesus frowns: "But... I died on the cross for Karl Marx... and you'd suck his dick over mine?"
<gossip> Viktor shakes his head.
<gossip> Viktor: well.. yeah.
<gossip> Jesus screams: "BLASPHEMOUS JEW!" as he throttles Viktor.
<gossip> Jesus pauses in mid-strangle: "Wait... I'm a Jew."
<gossip> Bitterman: you all do know that they are building a special place in Hell for us all, right now.

<gossip> Arcticfox: i don't see how the conversation evolved from "fuck katie, bitterman" to "man, that boy loves cough drops."

<gossip> Bitterman: my wrist, and elbow hurt.
<gossip> Bitterman: I gotta quit talking to my girl on the phone so much.
<gossip> Bitterman: or I need one of those telemarketer head sets.
<gossip> Lucus: Yes.... "Talking to your girl on the phone."
<gossip> Bitterman: no dude.. this isn't a masturbation type injurry.
<gossip> Bitterman: this is a holding a phone to my head for 3 hours straight getting an arm cramp type injurry.
<gossip> Mercy knows the injury.
<gossip> Bitterman: which? the masturbation injurry or the phone one?
<gossip> Lucus: Don't they go hand in the hand?
<gossip> Bitterman: no, you're doing it wrong, it's cock in hand.
<gossip> Bitterman: or phone in hand.
<gossip> Bitterman: not hand in hand.. that's "We are the World"

<gossip> Paco: sleep....heh, wish i could do that.
<gossip> Paco is going on 11 days without sleep.
<gossip> Bitterman: Paco, do what I tell my girl.
<gossip> Bitterman: just kinda lay down.. try to relax.. and think about me.
<gossip> Paco: that'll give me nightmares though.
<gossip> Bitterman: hey, sleep is sleep.

<gossip> Devil: "You're A Stupid Fuck"... coming soon to Six Flags over Georgia.
<gossip> Devil: I love that... how amusement parks have the blatantly obvious names for their rides, which are an outright sign that they're not enjoyable... but they still have lines two hours long to get to them.
<gossip> Bitterman: I'm waiting for rides with names like "Pain" and "Insufferable Rash"
<gossip> Devil: They might as well be: "The Spin-You-Upside-Down-And-Get-Stuck-Suddenly-For-30-Minutes Coaster"
<gossip> Bitterman: or the day when the tickets you buy come with concent forms.
<gossip> Arkandor: "Suspicious Boil On Your Asshole"
<gossip> Trujillo: "Ride the new Cedar Point rollercoast, 'Nonconsentual Fistfuck!'
<gossip> Devil: Or, "You Will Shit Your Pants. We Repeat: You will SHIT, YOUR, PANTS." ... and it'd still have 50+ people standing behind it.
<gossip> Trujillo: "Ally MacBeal: The Movie: The Ride."
<gossip> Devil: There should be a roller-coaster called "The Fabio" ... where in the middle of it, they unleash 50 high-velocity geese into the path of the roller-coaster, resulting in your face colliding with the geese, mangling the bird, and shattering your nose.
<gossip> Arkandor: FreeFall on Sharp, infected objects.
<gossip> Bitterman: The Happy Time Abortion Fun Ride!
<gossip> Arkandor: The Impregnator 5000. The ride that you'll take something away from.
<gossip> Bitterman: 3D Flight Simulator: New for 2002! Updated New York map!

<announce> Tupac enters Desolation.
<gossip> Lucus: But... you're dead!

<cre> Turk: Help me convince them i'm gay!

<gossip> Viktor: i'm wondering. why am i singing really off-key in a 4 foot cartboard tube?
<gossip> Bitterman: because you're foreign.
<gossip> Bitterman: and that's what foreigners do.
<gossip> Viktor: oh yeah.
<gossip> Bitterman: until someone says I've had enough of you, and they put you on a boat to America.
<gossip> Viktor: that would be cool.
<gossip> Bitterman: where what you do, becomes normal, to people who masturbate into jars of vasoline, mix it up, and serve it to their loved ones on toast, with jelly.
<gossip> Bitterman: for that is the american way.. to take babies and put them on spikes.. who cares.

<gossip> Trujillo hereby dubs Bitter a Motherfucker-In-Training.
<gossip> Trujillo: Good work, Matt. Welcome to the club.
<gossip> Squid snickers.
<gossip> Bitterman nods.
<gossip> Bitterman: thank you, thank you.
<gossip> Viktor stands outside the club house, all alone and sad...
<gossip> Bitterman: it is truly an honor, to be welcomed into your esteemed assciociation.
<gossip> Trujillo: We're sure you can make us proud, son.

<gossip> Josh: He's trying to get into your pants.
<gossip> Sethron raises an eyebrow.. "I'm sure...."
<gossip> Rafael: Only thing scarier than being hugged by your friends is being hugged by your enemies.
<gossip> Sethron: nope.. getting into my pants isn't so hard.. y'know.. I'm not that thin...
<gossip> Sethron: most people could fit in my pants...
<gossip> Sethron: well... maybe not most...
<gossip> Sethron: but any skinny person..
<gossip> Bitterman takes notes, "Easy to get into Sethron's pants.."

<gossip> Jacktycoma: im gonna go HnS for a while.
<gossip> Einstein: have no sex?
<gossip> Jacktycoma: hack n slash.

<gossip> Jacktycoma: i gotta wok my dog.
<gossip> Armrha: don't stir fry your dog!
<gossip> Armrha: it's cruel.
<gossip> Jacktycoma: brb.
<gossip> Armrha: NOOOO!

<announce> Jimmycarter took a severe beating from a small child from Highpool.
<gossip> Jimmycarter: Damn it all I used to be able to take juvies no problem.
<gossip> Jack is getting sick of stupid people coming on here.
<gossip> Bitterman: yeah, times must be rough now that you're not the president anymore.
<gossip> Jack rolls on the floor laughing.
<gossip> Jimmycarter: also because I used to have a high char here.
<gossip> Arkandor: LOL.
<gossip> Bitterman: I thought he didn't inhale.

<gossip> Articfox: die, bitterman!
<gossip> Articfox lunges at Bitterman with a rusty spork!
<gossip> Bitterman: LESBIAN!
<gossip> Bitterman runs up behind Articfox, and violently smacks him in the back of the head with a shovel.
<gossip> Articfox: OW!

[OOC] Krogg says: there's a penis on turkish tv, get the turkish penis away from me.

<gossip> Viktor: you could say Holland is mostly beach.
<gossip> Bitterman: no, because Holland is underwater.
<gossip> Bitterman: Holland is mostly sea.
<gossip> Viktor: we hand made it into Land, Bitter.
<gossip> Viktor: we call that shit 'Polders'
<gossip> Viktor: land that once was sea.
<gossip> Bitterman: "We want to live here anyway, put some walls up."
<gossip> Bitterman: "We'll all smoke dope, to forget about the fact that we're under the ocean"
<gossip> Viktor: damn straight.
<gossip> Bitterman: "And no sharing with the Americans. Stupid Americans."
<gossip> Viktor: damn straight.
<gossip> Viktor: why do you think we have those walls? to keep the Americans out, and _THEN_ the ocean.
<gossip> Bitterman: when you built them, America didn't exist.
<gossip> Bitterman: and when you built them, dyke didn't mean lesbian.
<gossip> Viktor: that's beside the point.
<gossip> Zonkie: now dyke means lesbian???
<gossip> Viktor sighs.
<gossip> Viktor: Zonk, you're a dead man.
<gossip> Bitterman laughs out loud.
<gossip> Zonkie: what???
<gossip> Viktor: fucking.. stop.. that.
<gossip> Zonkie: i was just curious, okay???
<gossip> Bitterman rolls on the floor laughing.
<gossip> Viktor: fuck man, you're worse then Plautus.
<gossip> Bitterman: man, I wish I was stoned.

<gossip> Podrez: Damn. Shouldn't do this while high.

[OOC] Rynthas says: Damnit Hayes..
[OOC] Hayes goes, 'Eh?'
[OOC] Rynthas says: You need to change your name, every time I RP with you I keep breaking out my Hendrix.
[OOC] Hayes goes, "Heh."
[OOC] Fozzy says: PURPLE HAYES!

The helicopter rotor's blades tilt down, and the copter lifts into the sky.
Rynthas flips the red switch.
Rynthas flips the blue switch.
[OOC] Hayes says: they're already going.
[OOC] Rynthas says: Yeah, I was trying to stop 'em.
[OOC] Brinker says: we're flying, please don't.
[OOC] Rynthas says: Just to see what they'd do, you know?
[OOC] Hayes says: while we're in the air?
[OOC] Rynthas says: Of course.

(And now, the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.)
<gossip> Dagg: Guys--- My birthday is arriving fairly quickly. I'd like to have a humidifier, and a dehumidifier, put them in the same room, and let them fight it out.
<gossip> David snickers.
<gossip> Rynthas: A noble pursuit.
<gossip> Punkey: Can we place bets?
<gossip> Kastyr: Wooo!
<gossip> Turk: Cool.
<gossip> David: The device that would win would depend on the type of air present in the room.
<gossip> You blindside David with a 2x4.
<gossip> David: You would have to make sure it was just right, to humid would give the humidifier and andvantage, and vis-versa.
<gossip> Punkey: Shh...you'll shatter his mind.
<gossip> Dagg: Nah... That happened a long time ago, when I thought how great it would be to have an airline company that took off Monday, and let you get at your destination the previous Friday.
<gossip> Dagg: That way you had the weekend all over again.
<gossip> Dagg: A weekend filled with humidifiers.

And that's it.

Drucilla · Post by **Drucilla** » Sat Jun 29, 2002 7:57 am

* CrazyElf rapes Dru
* Drucilla likes it.
<Drucilla> Can't rape the willing.
<CrazyElf> Goddammit!

-- Dru

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Mon Jul 01, 2002 4:06 pm

Nicely done Dru! Good form.

Drucilla · Post by **Drucilla** » Mon Jul 01, 2002 5:11 pm

Chee hee hee. It's always fun to foil the Elf.

Pistons · Post by **Pistons** » Tue Jul 02, 2002 2:20 am

But what about Saran Wrap or wax paper?

Drucilla · Post by **Drucilla** » Tue Jul 02, 2002 2:43 am

Doesn't make that nice crinkly sound, or squeak in your teeth.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Tue Jul 02, 2002 7:14 am

What about cellophane mice? They do both.

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Tue Jul 02, 2002 7:37 am

<Jan> purple robes are funny.
<Eva> They sure are.
<ThatCash> ??
<ThatCash> Jan:: how's that cult going?
<Eva> Hahaha!
<Eva> Wait.
<Eva> That /was/ a joke, right>?
<ThatCash> Ask Brother Jan. (Or has he given up his Earth name yet?)
<Eva> Brother Splorg?
<ThatCash> No. That was his name during his brief stint in porn.
<Eva> Oh. Ehm. I don't know.
<Jan> lol
* Eva has some more juice.
<Rainstorm> porn
<Rainstorm> juice
<Rainstorm> whoa
<ThatCash> lmao
<Jan> bwahahaa!
<Eva> Damn straight.

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Tue Jul 02, 2002 2:39 pm

Porn juice straight?

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Tue Jul 02, 2002 2:41 pm

Eva meant to say neat. As opposed to on the rocks.

Wildfire · Post by **Wildfire** » Tue Jul 02, 2002 3:06 pm

<Kai> Hey Daki, Eli. Working here
<Eli> Hi Wild!!!
<Eli> How's the working?
<Daki> WF:: Working? WHY?!?
<Eli> Why not?
<Eli> I mean, even the insane roll a 1 on their determination check at some point
<Daki> The insane can also think licking a light socket is a good idea
<Eli> Yes, but then you wouldn't be here if you didn't also.
<Daki> Not the best people to use as an example

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Thu Jul 04, 2002 9:58 am

* Eva stands on Claus' head.
* ThatCash stands under Claus
<Eva> We form the amazing athletic trio Wang, Dang and Chang!
* Eva jumps off and does some acrobatic action.
<ThatCash> *poses* I am Chang!
<Eva> *poses* I am Dang!
<Eva> And that's our mute brother Wang!
<Eva> *points at Veed*
<ThatCash> lol
<ThatCash> *points at Veed*
<ThatCash> That's it. Wang is fired. We need our third cousin, Yang.
* Eva rolls in a Chinese looking young boy on a stretcher.
<Eva> Yang isn't feeling so good.
<ThatCash> *pokes Yang* Ooohhh, no.
<ThatCash> What about Hwang?
<Eva> Hwang is on holiday./
<Eva> In Texas, I might add.
<ThatCash> Is Doug available?
<Eva> *whispers "You know Doug is in juvi!"
<ThatCash> I guess we're the amazing athletic duo Dang and Chang performing around our statue, Wang!
<ThatCash> *whispers* I thought he escaped?
<Eva> Yes! The amazing duo!
<Eva> *whispers* He got caught at the state line..
* Eva does a somersault to distract the audience!
* ThatCash cartwheels
*** Eclipse is now known as EclipseSleep
<ThatCash> Yang! Don't go to sleep, you lazy bum!
<EclipseSleep> blarg!
* Eva kicks Yang to perform a trick!
<Eva> "And now our cousin Yang will perform the Ancient Chinese Sleeping trick"
<Eva> *smoke appears on stage*
<ThatCash> He is the Master of Ancient Chinese Sleeping!
<Eva> Decades in the Monastery of Shu Zu Fu have taught him the art.. of Ancient Chinese Sleeping..
<ThatCash> See him sleep, ladies and gentlemen!
<Eva> OBSERVE!
<ThatCash> BE AMAZED!
<Eva> *audience watches Eclipse pass out*
<ThatCash> DAmn, we have to be some bored mofo's.

* EclipseSleep fall face forward onto the couch
* EclipseSleep drools moderately.
<ThatCash> Now the couch is just for safety. Yang is a Master at Sleep-Fu and normally would not need it. But silly laws. Eh.
<Eva> Dang was afk for a minute to perform Ancient Chinese Peeing.
<ThatCash> lmao!
<Eva> By sheer force of will, Dang pees.

Irc Funnies

Perverts!