Hotel Drekifornia

TheScamp · Post by **TheScamp** » Thu Mar 21, 2002 6:47 pm

(Sung to the tune of "Hotel California", by the Eagles)

On a Midwestern highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of newbie blood
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw shimmering light
My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There he stood in the doorway
I heard the OS bleep
And I was thinking to myself
Why is he turning me over his knee?
Then Veed gave me a spanking
And it showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Drekifornia
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place (background)
Go sit on Adam’s face
Plenty of room at the Hotel Drekifornia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
They’re probing Brinesrimp’s rear

Liniah’s titties are twisted
There’s a thumb up DV8’s end
There are a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That Wildfire calls ‘friends’
How they drink in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget

So I called up Cazmonster
”Please return me my spine”
He said
”Looks like IC and his friend Bone are in a 69”
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
So they can have their way…

Welcome to the Hotel Drekiifornia
Such a lovely Place
Such a lovely Place (background)
What’s that on Cash’s face?
They're livin' it up at the Hotel Drekifornia
What a nice surprise
What a nice surprise (background)
Marius’ naked thighs

Mirrors on the ceiling
Pink champagne on ice
And Eva said
”I am just a prisoner here
Chained up to this device”
And in the Module’s chambers
They listen at the do’
“We can’t hear just what’s going on,
But he went in there with merlot.”

Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
”Turn back,” said Bethyaga
It’s your turn to recieve
You can do your best to log out,
But the ungamungas never leave

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Thu Mar 21, 2002 6:53 pm

I love it, and I'm not subjected to the butt-sex!

Cazmonster does the song parody happy dance.

TheScamp · Post by **TheScamp** » Thu Mar 21, 2002 6:57 pm

Well, there is the question of how, exactly, you caused the narrator's spine to leave his body.

Silent Sniper · Post by **Silent Sniper** » Thu Mar 21, 2002 7:54 pm

Well, seeing as he is Caz, I've got a couple ideas.

Instant Cash · Post by **Instant Cash** » Thu Mar 21, 2002 8:39 pm

*IC breaks out the lounge chair, a pair of shades, and a joint. Then proceeds to jam along to the tune*

NiceAaron · Post by **NiceAaron** » Thu Mar 21, 2002 10:13 pm

The Eclipse · Post by **The Eclipse** » Thu Mar 21, 2002 10:31 pm

Very good scamp, it let me break out of the constant chorus of 'come sail away' that caz has had me singing all day.

Nightsky · Post by **Nightsky** » Fri Mar 22, 2002 3:43 am

I'm taking my next vacation to the Hotel Drekifornia!

Bishop · Post by **Bishop** » Fri Mar 22, 2002 10:27 am

I'm booked for a month.

CykoSpin · Post by **CykoSpin** » Sat Mar 23, 2002 7:58 am

That fuckin' rocks!

Cash · Post by **Cash** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 12:22 pm

I pulled out Hotel California and sang along to it with the new, improved lyrics.

FlameBlade · Post by **FlameBlade** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 9:12 pm

Ok, everyone know the drill.

Duck. Take cover. Cover your ears. Cash's singing!

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 9:14 pm

*Records Cash's signing to use in future torture sessions*

FlameBlade · Post by **FlameBlade** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 9:14 pm

signing? I don't think Cash knows signs.

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 9:23 pm

Aw damnit. *Runs from the typo monster*

FlameBlade · Post by **FlameBlade** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 9:24 pm

I'll tape singing for you. Run away from that monster soon as you can.

voz · Post by **voz** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 9:30 pm

Neat cover of the tune scamp.

FlameBlade · Post by **FlameBlade** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 9:32 pm

too bad I can't hear it

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Fri Apr 12, 2002 10:21 pm

Cazmonster shunts his fusion power supply to a pair of 27' speaker towers.

You will here in a minute, just stand on that 'X' between the speakers.

DigiPrincess · Post by **DigiPrincess** » Sat Apr 13, 2002 5:44 pm

I'm building a casino next to it!

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Fri Jul 19, 2002 5:25 pm

Cazmonster watches as Flameblade vibrates like a tuning fork between the towers.

Cool, it turns out that Flameblade's sympathetic harmony is Eagle's music.

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Fri Jul 26, 2002 2:06 pm

My sympathetic rythm involves pity sex

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Fri Jul 26, 2002 4:02 pm

Ahh Pity Sex, the only form of sexual contact lower than mutual masturbation.

Instant Cash · Post by **Instant Cash** » Fri Jul 26, 2002 8:36 pm

*wakes up from his stoned stupor*

what did I miss?

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Fri Jul 26, 2002 8:39 pm

Not too much, although Digiprincess was in here humping away at your inert form for about half an hour.

Instant Cash · Post by **Instant Cash** » Fri Jul 26, 2002 8:40 pm

*runs and jumps into a pool of bleach to remove the stain*

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 12:30 pm

*Laughs at ICE-- he's an albino now.*

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 3:23 pm

Mourn's the nineteenth degree sunburn Instant is due for now.

That's gonna sting.

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 3:29 pm

But he's always been part goth so he'll enjoy the pale skin.

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 3:31 pm

This is true, now his lipstick will look extra black.

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 3:32 pm

*Gets that mental image and can't help but giggle*

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 3:34 pm

Yeah, it is pretty funny. It only goes downhill from there as you stick a corset on him.

Cazmonster curses his internal porn server.

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 3:38 pm

Heels or flats though? What do you think IC?

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 3:40 pm

Definitely the spiky fetish heels, that way he can be six foot six and dead sexy.

Cazmonster pops a set of cyberspurs and goes digging in his head for the connection to the porn server.

Argh! I can't find it and I think I just activated the emergency Spice Girls defense MP3!

Daki · Post by **Daki** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 3:43 pm

*Never minded the Spice Girls and just kinda bobs his head to the music*

Want me to fix the problem Caz?

Cazmonster · Post by **Cazmonster** » Mon Jul 29, 2002 3:47 pm

Nono, I'll get it.

The cyberfreak grits his teeth, internalizes the ballad-style Spice Girls' songs and makes a Cell call to Spider Murphy.

Look Murph, I'm in a bit of a bind. My internal Black IC is about to shoot through my cerebral cortex and I can't give it the password. I'll hook you up with however much capital or security you want, just keep my brain from getting fried like Mongolian Sweetbreads.

Szechuan · Post by **Szechuan** » Wed Jul 31, 2002 1:26 pm

*Wanders in...*

Did I just hear the spice girls?

Oh, hey Dak. what's shaking?

Hotel Drekifornia

Hotel Drekifornia

Hell Yeah